wedding day regrets

I’ve never regretted the marriage to my husband. Ever. But there was a time I was really mad about the Mormon wedding. I didn’t regret a bit of the wedding at the time it occurred. It was certainly ideal for who I was at the time. Except for the sealer’s talk before hand: booorrrrriiiiinnnngggg! And If I’d paid any attention to the words of the sealing, I would have been bothered by it. But for a faithful Molly Mormon, it was perfect.

Looking back, though, I’m angry about some things.

Not all of my family and none of my friends could be there, some because they were too young, and some because they didn’t have temple recommends for whatever reason. I regret that I thought that was okay. It was their fault, I thought, for not getting their acts together enough to get their recommends. Now I wish I would have thought of a wedding as a truly family and community event.

The words of the sealing ceremony are frustrating. There’s no mention of the word “love,” for one. And the ceremony is sexist. I “gave myself” to my husband and he “received me.” The exact words to the man are, “receive her unto yourself to be your lawful and wedded wife.” And to the woman, “give yourself to him to be his lawful and wedded wife, and for him to be your lawful and wedded husband." I wonder if the wording is there as a vestige of polygamy. I gave myself to him, so I can’t be anyone else’s wife. But he just received me, didn’t give himself, so he’s free to receive other wives? Maybe it’s not about polygamy; it which case it’s just plain sexism.

I regret that we didn’t write our own vows, or at least influence them.

I regret that I was wearing a ridiculous costume during the ceremony, and not even wearing my wedding dress.

I regret that I didn’t walk down the aisle.

I regret that we didn’t plan our own wedding according to how we wanted it.

At one brief moment, I felt like we weren’t even married, I was so mad at the church. I didn’t recognize their authority anymore, so how was my marriage valid? Then I realized that thinking that way was letting the church have authority over me still. They weren’t the ones that decided we were really married. We married each other; we recognize it, and the state recognizes it. Who cares about the church?