I've coined a new term: PDB

I’ve struggled with whether to tell my old Mormon friends about my changed beliefs. I have no desire to send out a mass message to my address list saying I’ve left, as some people do. I haven’t kept in great contact with a lot of people (even good friends) from high school and college, and I don’t want them to get an email or call out of the blue that will ruin their day. Mostly, I don’t see the need to announce my personal beliefs and spirituality.

They’re personal.

But my non-faithful beliefs are personal in ways that my faithful beliefs never were. When I was Mormon, my beliefs were quite open. Too open.

The Mormon church encourages public displays of belief (P.D.B.):

There’s testimony meeting every month. Members are expected to bear their testimonies there, and at the end of lessons and talks they give.

Youth are expected to undergo interviews semiannually. Adults are expected to undergo two temple recommend interviews biannually.

Then there’s the “every member a missionary” push.

Not to mention all the faith-promoting stories about when Peter Priesthood was at work, and all his co-workers were swearing or telling dirty jokes, and he asks them to stop—“because I’m Mormon.” And his behavior is applauded in church; he stood up for what is right. (How about just walking away instead of trying to regulate every one else according to your standards?)

Or the person who was offered wine at a dinner party, and she says, “No, I don’t drink, because I’m Mormon,” and the party guests were respectful of that. And she’s sure she’ll have a convert or two from the interaction. (Guess what. A lot of people don’t drink. And they just decline the drink. They feel no need to reveal their personal reasons why they don’t drink. And people respect that.)

In all of these circumstances, Mormons are supposed to verbally proclaim their stance. If they don't engage in these behaviors, people start to wonder about their faithfulness.

Then there’s the visible P.D.B:

Garment lines (checking out people’s panty lines is not polite behavior outside of Utah)
Garment-safe clothes
Wearing white shirt and tie or dress to church
Being seen at church every Sunday
Taking the sacrament
Going to the temple
Attending temple weddings
Attending church activities

Add in the visible things you can’t do if you want to preserve your P.D.B:

Drink alcohol
Smoke
Drink coffee or tea
Go into a Starbucks or liquor store
Wear a sleeveless shirt

Then you take the combination visible/verbal P.D.B, such as where someone comments on garment lines or announces in the clothing store, “It is so hard to find shorts that are long enough!”

Growing up Mormon, I was socialized to belief that P.D.B were normal, and expected. I've had to re-teach myself that I can know someone for years without knowing their religious affiliation, and that I don't need to be blurting mine to everyone I know.