Wednesday, December 13, 2006

why the obsession with coffee and alcohol?

Why is it that I feel the need to talk about alcohol and coffee and my consumption of them? Why is it an issue at all? Why don't I just partake and not feel the need to justify it? Why don't I just shut up about it? I must've mentioned it five times already on this blog, and I certainly talk about it with my ex-mo friends in person (usually while we're drinking it). Of all the subjects I could be posting about, why does alcohol take such precedence?

Partly, I suppose, it's just that there's this whole world of alcohol and coffee I never knew much about, and there's a fascination with discovering it all. All the varietals of wine, the years, the vineyards, the aromas, and I don't even know what else. The endless questions about which wine goes well with which food and which weather. Just the other night I discovered that the extra sharp cheddar from my fridge went really well with the red I had. And that I like pinot noir. At least I liked the bottle we had over a game of Texas hold 'em. Yeah, I know red wine and poker don't normally go together, but it worked, because it got me a nice buzz, and I'm happy when I'm a bit drunk. I can always claim ignorance: but I was raised Mormon! There was never a bottle of wine in my house! Or beer, for that matter, so how am I supposed to know which goes with which?

And beer. Turns out there are more taste combinations with beer than there are for wine. Who knew? Between the hops, the malt, the different grains, the extra flavors, the barrels it's aged in, and who knows what else, you can get all sorts of flavors. Forget Miller and Bud and Coors, all those beers I saw advertised when I was a kid, the ones we joked were really made from bear piss. (Except we didn't say piss; that as a swear word in my house.) I'll go with Sam Adams summer white or oktoberfest. How about Rasputin Imperial, with flavors of malt, caramel, and coffee? Or Ephermere cranberry, or a Tusker from Kenya. Try them all. Tonight, we had brats boiled in Stella, butter, and onions, then grilled. (Sorry, Zarathustra, to use Stella that way, but it's the only beer we had.)

And don't get me started on liquor. I'll just say a shot of tequila goes a long way to ease a social situation.

But why does it even matter to me? Why can't I just be normal and drink it, commenting now and then on how nice a wine is, or how I found a great deal on a sauvignon blanc. 'Cause normal people (people not raised Mormon) talk about it, but only in the way they would talk about any food. "Oh, these almonds really accent the salad well; good choice of white; we're switching to red for the main course; that dessert looks luscious."

Mostly, I suppose, it's that I was raised to think that alcohol and coffee are evil. Forbidden in a way that never had an appeal to me. Never mind that I had relatives who drank; we just pretended they didn't, or talked about how it ruined their lives, or, more importantly, their eternal souls. Getting drunk was just wild and crazy and stupid; who needed to get drunk to have fun? We have plenty of fun playing Taboo and Scattergories and watching PG movies! See how much fun we're having? (Yeah, you don't need to get drunk to have fun, but a buzz certainly helps.)

So is it some residual guilt that drives me to talk about it, justify it? Or is it that it so symbolically, so visibly, so easily marks my passage out? It's the most obvious marker of an apostate, and therefore, somehow the most horrid, too. "She went off the deep end. And started drinking and everything!"

Of all the things that are different about my life on the outside, alcohol is the least important change. So why does it get so much of my attention? Because I didn't get my drunk-every-weekend college years? Because I don't have the stories where I woke up, not knowing where I was and how I got there? (I've never been that drunk, and I don't want to be. I'm a mother; that ship has sailed.) I don't think that's it. I missed out, but all that comes with a lot of hangovers. I've had two, and that's plenty.

Hey, I haven't even told the stories about my first alcohol and coffee. Those small but significant acts of rebellion against my old world view; those rites of passage into...normalcy.

11 comments:

Rebecca said...

I think you've hit it - the rite of passage. It's a sort of thrill you get from knowing you're doing something you weren't allowed to do just a little while ago. The whole teenage instinct - it's new and cool, but you don't want to scream "LOOK AT ME!!! I'M DRINKING ALCOHOL!!! I'M, LIKE, TOTALLY MATURE, AND I FEEL COOL!!!" so you just learn about it and talk about it in a more academic way to cover up the fact that it REALLY makes you feel like you're one of the in-crowd. I'm speaking of the general "you" - not YOU you. I'm guessing the thrill will pass, and also the amount of time you (the general "you") spend thinking, and therefore writing, about it. I don't care a ton about alcohol (oh - had my first wine over Thanksgiving. It was okay), but I'm OBSESSED with coffee! It makes me feel like a grown-up (and HOW many grown-ups call themselves "grown-ups"? Um, zero)!

Sideon said...

This post had me salivating. I read it after my comment in your prior post...

Alcohol doesn't even enter my mind in terms of "bad" or "morality" or "judgement." If you're talking about life and enjoyment and fulfillment, then alcohol shows up on the scale, big time. In that sense, shunning alcohol seems downright sinful.

I love wine tasting parties. Beer tasting parties. Pairing wine (or beer) with different foods. Cooking with alcohol. Did I mention our incredible "Tequila Tri-Tip" recipe? You'd be hearing more "amen's" and "hallelujahs!" than a southern Baptist gathering.

I look at it this way - you're writing and sharing about the things you enjoy.

Anonymous said...

I'd love to hear about your first experiences with alcohol and coffee. I agree with what the two before me commented too...

I also agree with the fact that it seems like you should just be able to be blase about it, but it doesn't quite feel that way as you do it. Don't know why.

SML (blogger won't accept my password, the bitch.)

from the ashes said...

I really do have those feelings of finally being one of the in-crowd, but I hate that I do. I didn't start drinking to be part of the in-crowd, dammit! That's what stupid teenagers do, not mature adults. Right...right? But, yeah, I do feel more "normal," and I like that. I didn't leave Mormonism to feel more normal. But it's certainly been a perk!

I got to get that tequila tri-tip recipe, Sid.

SML- blogger did that to a friend on mine, too. It fixed itself after a couple days. ?

Oh, and I'll post my first alcohol and coffee stories tomorrow and the next day.

Anonymous said...

Yeah for the alcohol stories! Drinking is fun. It's that simple. That's why there is residual guilt. If it's fun and has nothing to do with God, it must be bad!

Simeon has spoken.

Mystic Mistress said...

You're not the only one who is experiencing all of these feelings, and emotions about alcohol and coffee. It is theraputic. It helps knowing this "rite of passage" is normal. I'm feeling the same way. I'm impressed with the knowlege you've gained about beers & wines. I wish I knew more. I usually just order a margarita or sex on the beach. I've been trying to taste different wines, but it's too overwhelming, and I can't seem to like anything other than the alchopops (which have made me gain 30 pounds)...

Something people learn naturally while growing up, we don't find out about until mid 30's (for me anyway, and ok, late 30's actually)...

Rebecca said...

I totally know what you mean - I feel like an IDIOT for feeling like I'm cooler just by carrying a coffee mug. And yet I do. It's like I'm human or something.

from the ashes said...

It's like your a grownup or something.

Sister Mary Lisa said...

It's that very feeling (like I'd finally be a grownup or something) that I rebel against when considering whether I should start up coffee or not after never really liking it. Does that make any sense?

from the ashes said...

SML- it doesn't have to be a matter of "starting up coffee." One cup of trying it doesn't make you a coffee drinker.

Sister Mary Lisa said...

I had to laugh because this morning my husband came back from trying to go to work early to help his boss, only nobody was there...so he picked up a coffee and came home. He doesn't drink it often at all.

He left and there was half a cup left, so my daughter and I drank it. It was great! Ha ha ha.

I'm just saying that I'm not sure if I like the fact that if I start drinking coffee each morning, I'll feel like a grown up finally. It's the same way I felt when I ordered my first alcoholic drink. And I'm pissed I feel this way, somehow. That's all. Damn the morg for making us feel like we are somehow lacking without the normal ability to try things most people get to try as youngsters.