first coffee

After we moved out of Utah, I got my office job. The first thing that struck me when I walked into that office to sign all the hiring paperwork (the interview had been elsewhere) was the smell of coffee. A slightly burnt caramel-ish coffee. I didn't like the smell. It was way too strong, permeating every corner of the office, and represented heathenism to me. The office manager offered to get me some coffee or tea, and I quickly declined. Thank goodness I didn't blurt out, "No, I'm Mormon." I've done that before, and I've regretted every time.

I still was a very believing, practicing Mormon at the time, and I'd never even considered wanting coffee. Not only did God disapprove, but I couldn't stand the smell. Or the flavor, based on accidentally mistaking coffee Jelly Bellys for chocolate or root beer or whatever. We avoided coffee flavored candy and ice cream like the plague--what if they had real coffee in them, and, by eating a piece of candy, I was breaking the Word of Wisdom?

The smell was strongest at my desk, since it was closest to the kitchen, where the coffee brewed in two pots, regular for the office, and decaf for the boss. Don't touch the boss's decaf.

After working there for a few months, and seeing everyone going in and out of the kitchen with their insulated, disposable cups of coffee multiple times a day, I started to feel a little stupid. Like it was somehow out of place of me to work in the office and not drink the coffee. Instead of giving in to the coffee, though, since I was still Mormon and still didn't like the smell, I started drinking the hot chocolate I found in the cupboard. It was just powdered swiss miss packets, but I felt a little more "one of us" now that I had a cup at my desk. I'm sure they could tell it was just hot chocolate from the smell, but no one ever commented on it. I felt a little childish, like hot chocolate is the kid's version of coffee. But I liked it.

Sometime after I stopped believing (was it within a week? a month?), I made the leap to the coffee. Was it the regular or the decaf? Was I too scared to touch the boss's decaf? Or did I try it anyway because I wanted the try the flavor, not the caffeine? I honestly can't remember. I do remember I didn't like it, even after I poured sugar and half-and-half into it. I think I put in two packets of sugar, and still didn't like it. But three packets was too much, too sweet. Did I finished it anyway? Or did I let the last of it get cold, sitting next to my computer? The memory eludes me.

I didn't tell my husband. It was my little secret rebellion for a couple weeks, until I found him with a cup from the local coffee shop in his hand. He'd been so weirded out by the whole purchase that he didn't even put sugar or milk in it, not sure how this all worked. Neither of us liked that cup, black and strong.

For a while, I mixed my cups of office coffee with hot chocolate, made my own little mocha. Eventually, I've come to appreciate the flavors (yes, flavors! who knew?) of coffee, and I can even take it black now, if I'm in the mood. One of my favorite late afternoon snacks this summer was black coffee and sugar dates from the Middle East. Sweet and bitter.

It took us until a couple months ago to get the guts up to buy a coffee maker. How can you decide with all those models and features? We just picked one that looks good, and it's served us well.