a new wedding?
We’ve played with the idea of renewing our vows, maybe on our 10th anniversary. Plan things how we want it, where we want it. Write our own vows, invite who we want. The idea is appealing. Reassert our own authority over our own marriage. I doubt we’d have any sort of religious leader-figure there.
At the same time, it wouldn’t mean much to our families. While we would see it as a great opportunity to renew and revitalize, to express our love and commitment, our families would see it as empty, pointless. A mere shadow of what “real” marriage ceremonies are all about. When I was a judgmental TBM (and I was embarrassingly judgmental), I attended the most beautiful wedding in a gorgeous garden where the bride and groom spoke their own vows. And I couldn’t stop myself from thinking, “Oh, yeah, this is nice, but it’s too bad they aren’t getting married in the temple. Hopefully someday they will.” (Gag.)
So what if my family thinks that about me? Do I care? Well, yeah, I do. Because, for me, weddings are about family. Marriages are about two people; weddings are about bringing families together. About the families, the community, and the society acknowledging the new union as a new family unit.
But I already did the whole wedding thing. Renewing vows would be about marriage. So we can do whatever we want. And not invite family. Just invite friends, ones who would understand. Am I being too harsh on my family? Maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt, and allow myself to think that maybe they would understand vow renewal. Maybe it would be good for them to see that even ex-mos can be in love and committed. Yes, it’s true: ex-Mormons can be happy. Truly happy.
2 comments:
I think if you want to do that, you should go somewhere with your husband, just the two of you. I don't think the TBM's will get it. I think you will hope they will love and accept your re-commit ceremony, and if they don't, it will damper your joy. I don't know your family, but I do know TBM's. I think all the TBM's I'm close to sort-of get where I'm coming from, because my divorce & exit from the church are all wrapped together. They all talk about it behind my back, I'm sure. How I'm a ho since bf lives w/ me & the kids, etc. They tolerate my exit, because of wha the x put me thru. I fear your TBM's may think (or say) "she just wants a ceremony hooplah because she didn't get that with the temple." Or, "They're already sealed for eternity, why are they doing this." I could be completely wrong. I guess my thought would be if you had a fantastic ceremony for the two of you, you could relish in the joy of it without the TBM drag-down. I'm kind of rambling on, sorry. You should do what you think is best, and the fact that you are at 10 years of marriage and are still happy speaks VOLUMES!
I feel you do what you feel is best!!It's really nice that after ten years of marriage you feel this way!!Do peep into my wedding blog for some thought sharing!!
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