holidays

Last December was my first holiday season as both an ex-Mormon and an ex-Christian. (A lot of Christians would say I never was a Christian, but I'll get into that debate another time. I believed in the divinity of Jesus. Then I didn't. For today, I'll consider that ex-Christian, though there are plenty of Christians who don't believe in his divinity. Anyway...) I was rather torn about celebrating Christmas, since to me the holiday meant "Jesus' birthday" as much as it did "gift-giving, family, Santa," etc.

I felt something of a loss, and wondered if Christmas could still be Christmas without belief in Jesus. I fidgeted about my nativity sets. I got a knot in my stomach when I heard Jesus-oriented Christmas songs on the radio. It just all felt so weird.

That December, I wrote

This is the first Christmas we have not believed in the divinity of Jesus--or even think of him as the best example of how to live our lives. So pulling out the decorations and finding not just one, but three nativity sets, was a bit conflicted. My son immediately recognized Baby Jesus. (How does he remember, anyway?)

For those of you who are not believing Christians anymore, how is the transition from Christmas as the Son of God's birthday to Christmas as a secular holiday?

So far, I'm appreciating it. Family, gift giving, parties, friends, break from school/work. But what do I do with Jesus? Excise him? Keep the nativity set and just teach my son the birth story as a story like the Three Bears? Be sure to attend a Hare Krishna festival when that comes around or read some Hanukkah and Kwanzaa books to balance it all out? Teach that we remember Jesus as a nice guy?

I ended up putting out one nativity set, because it has sentimental value, and I still appreciated the Jesus story as having heritage-value. My husband expressed his feelings about it by switching the nativity figures around, putting Jesus in the back one day, or having Joseph and Mary crouching over a donkey or a sheep instead of the manger. (Blasphemy, I know!) It annoyed me. I guess I still had a place in my heart for baby Jesus.

We celebrated it as a secular holiday in our hearts, but we were with extended, Mormon family, who celebrated by inviting ward members over and singing Christmas songs from the Mormon hymn book and reading the Luke 2 story. It made me kind of sick, especially since probably a third of those in attendance weren't believing Mormons (I didn't know their thoughts on Jesus).

It felt like the believers were demanding belief. And it was their house, so, fine, do what you want in your house. But what about being respectful to guests, accommodating them? It turned out the little program was right during my son's bedtime, and he wasn't feeling good, so I took the opportunity to be a good mother and take him in the other room for the duration. I returned once they were past the religious part and started just hanging out and appreciating the presence of family and friends. Which is the best part of holidays anyway.