"are you Mormon?"
I live outside
Where are you from?
Where’d you go to school? BYU
Several things can happen at that point.
-The questioner may get a knowing look in her eyes, perhaps a little nervous, perhaps a little amused or even disgusted, and looks away. End of conversation. Some are tactful enough to change the subject. Others can’t force anything out more than a trying-to-be-polite, “Oh,” and make every nonverbal indication that they’d not like to talk anymore. This makes me want to volunteer, “I’m not Mormon.”
-The questioner may say, “Oh, cool, do you know so-and-so?” Okay, that’s only happened once, and it really surprised me.
-The questioner may say, bravely, “Are you Mormon?” To which I answer, “I used to be,” or “I was raised Mormon.”
At this point, there are any of several reactions.
-Some are interested in pursuing the conversation because they have an overblown idea of what it means to be LDS and therefore what it takes to leave. They ask if my dad is a polygamist. They wonder if I still have contact with my family. In their imaginations my bondage and escape were physical and visible.
-Some aren’t interested in the conversation because they just don’t care. Maybe because they know very little about Mormonism, or maybe they care little about religion, being non-religious themselves.
Whatever their reaction, I’m embarrassed about my past. And I hate that I’m embarrassed.
I also hate that when I do get someone who wants to ask about it, the flood gates open and way too much information pours out. And they’re thinking, “I just wanted to make polite conversation…
But I'm getting better at controlling my reaction. I got asked four times in the past week about my past, and I just stated it matter-of-factly without only a tad of internal embarrassment.(And, no, my dad is not a polygamist.)
8 comments:
When I lived in California and answered the question that I was from Utah I always got the "Are you Mormon" and "How many wives does your dad have" or "What wife are you". At that time I was still a believer so I would say "Yeah I'm Mormon and I only have one mother and dh isn't LDS so he only wants one wife" Heehee! I always tried to make a joke because even as a believer I dreaded the "are you mormon" question.
But since I have lived in Florida when I tell people I am from Utah they ask me if I ski. What a relief even though I don't ski. I have never been asked if I am mormon at least not yet. Some people just don't care.
I got asked the skiing question the other day. And some people, who would rather not touch religion, comment on the beauty of southern Utah, the mountains, etc. Utah does have good points.
But I didn't ski either. Too poor.
When people find out I'm from Utah, I invariably get asked the "oh, are you Mormon?" question. I always get asked at regional and national conferences.
Given that tone of voice is everything, these are some of the things I've been known to say:
"Do I LOOK like a f***ing Mormon?"
"My entire family is Mormon, but I still love them."
"They dunked me at eight, but it didn't take."
"I had to give it up for coffee, alcohol, and guilt-free sex."
"Moron? Who are you calling a moron?"
"No, but my 15 wives are."
"Don't be ridiculous. I have higher standards."
Be well.
-Donavan
(You've inspired me to blog this, my friend.)
FTA,
Your past is what it is. Nothing to be embarrassed about. I have found myself in the "too much info, just being polite" position too. I hate that.
That's weird - I ALMOST always get, "Oh, that's a really good school."
Sideon- You're awesome. I love those answers. I've really got to try the "Do I look like f'ing Mormon?!" sometime. Maybe with a wine glass in one hand. Looking forward to reading your post.
bishop rick- I'll get to a point when it's just my past, my heritage. But for now, I still wish it hadn't been. In some camps, it gets me derision; but in others, it gets me respect (because I had the strength of character to question and to leave at great personal cost [relationship with family; exclusion from my community]).
rebecca- I've gotten the "really good school" comment once or twice. I did the other day, and I acknowledged that it got me great international experience. And helped me find my husband; gotta give it that. I thought my undergrad edu was fine, but I also saw limitations (depends on department too).
More of than "good school" I hear "straight-laced" or "conservative, religious." Which some people respect, and some don't. Some wonder if it is really alcohol-free, etc. (I tell them alcohol is there, but I never saw it.)
I really have almost always gotten the "good school" comment, and in a very respectful tone of voice. My answer is usually "yeah, supposedly," in a more derisive tone of voice. Because I feel like I got a better education in the year and a half I was at a small, little-known liberal arts college in southern CA than I did in the three years I was at BYU. I felt like it was a machine turning out sheep-shaped cogs. I did have some good classes and some great professors, but for the most part I hated it and felt that I was learning to memorize and vomit information, and not learning to THINK. Yeah - the bitterness? I'm working on it.
rebecca- all right, some bitterness. Get it out, girl. My answer was derisive too, when I heard the "good school" comment.
Post a Comment