in-laws' reaction
This visit is my second holiday visit with family since my exit, and it has been fairly normal. I pulled up what I wrote last year when we visited my husband's family.
We're still only at my in-laws, haven't been to see my family yet. They will be worse. Things have managed to be pretty normal here, though there's definitely an elephant in the room.
My mother-in-law caught my husband and I alone and decided to drop the question. My stomach churned. My husband had a big headache, so it wasn't the greatest timing. She expressed that it's taken her six months to get around to be able to talk about it; it's been that hard. We explained very minimally we'd read some history and our views and lives had simply diverged from the church and it didn't make sense for us anymore. She asked what we do believe in. That was a question I didn't expect. We told her we're asking all the hard questions in life, not sure there is a God, not sure what we believe right now. And that we're comfortable with that.
She stated that there will be no church-bashing, etc. in the house, and they will continue to do their normal thing, prayer, etc., around us. It is pretty tense when I say anything about the church, Mormon culture,
The only part of the conversation that bothered me was when she said, "Well, this is going to be hard on all of us. But it will be hardest on you guys." Why, we asked. "Because you're searching for your truth, doing your thing, but I've already found my truth. I already have that peace, you have to find it." I wanted to say that I find plenty of peace in asking the questions, and not in answering them or having them answered for me; I have more peace now than I ever did in the church. But I didn't say it. The conversation was over, with her thinking she had the upper hand.
6 comments:
So you guys are the only ones in the family who have left the church so far?
Then it will be hardest on you. But not for the reason she wants to believe, rather because it's hard for the pioneer to break new ground.
It sounds like your MiL feels threatened by your beliefs: she immediately laid down the law to restrict you and followed up with the hostile remark about how she's at peace and you aren't (after you specifically stated you are okay with where you're at in your belief...)
From that conversation, I would guess that she fears your beliefs and the questions/doubts that might be raised. You say she had the upper hand at the end of the conversation, but that's not clear at all.
Oh! OH! How painful. I think I might have put my fist through the wall at that point. Which, of course, would have made her purse her lips and nod, saying, "See. I TOLD you so." Well, that's what MY mom would have done. Argh. What a pain. We should all band together and start our own family on a deserted island somewhere. And our own crazy religion. There should for sure be mermaids in our doctrine.
cl- I wrote "with her _thinking_ she had the upper hand." I hadn't really thought about her being threatened...I'll have to think about that.
More recently, she said she wants to be able to joke about it. Which really meant she wants to be able to joke about us being apostates, but if we try to joke about Mormonism? She'll put her foot down, won't she?
Oops, I didn't see the word "thinking" -- sorry!
Joke about it? That's odd...
You're right to be a little wary. As you suggest, I doubt she'll permit you to make very many rock-in-a-hat or "Breed 'em Young" jokes...
I so understand. My family are non-mos. My husbands family still hasn't asked him why we left. We have our letter and it has almost been a year since we decided to leave. It's hard when know one wants to hear what you have to say but they still want a place in your life and heart.
JOoM- Yeah, no one wants to know why. Even the ones I can talk to, I don't get into the details of why, I just talk about my emotional experiences (kind of like on here).
Rebecca- Mermaids, eh? Have you checked out the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? It's a lot of fun, but still very male-centric (beer volcanoes and female strippers make up their heaven). Maybe we need a female version...
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