ritual and moving on

I wrote this last May:

I read a book called Women-Church. It briefly described the development of Christianity as a give-and-take between spirituality and institution, and argued that women need to nudge, push, shove, and subvert their way into changing religion and ritual to fit their needs better. Sometimes this involves leaving and creating your own community; sometimes this involves staying within the patriarchal community and enacting change from within.

One of the main facets of the book was to give alternative (less patriarchal and more women-friendly and non-gender specific) liturgies and rituals. It was obviously to a Christian audience who are used to high church. Rituals included things like welcoming of a new baby; signing with the promise of baptism; coming of age; puberty rites; moving out of the house; marriage; divorce; casting off the patriarchal, suppressive parts of church-institution; death, etc. It was very adaptable and could be used for any point in life that is significant.

Rituals mark events, open up new phases in life. On the other hand, life manages to create its own rituals. Whether or not you have a bar/bat mitzvah or graduate from primary, you still have a coming-of-age time. Whether or not you are baptized, you still achieve a conversion or de-conversion.

Without any formal ritual, I mark the events of my de-conversion--the first time I felt more comfortable on the Foyer than on NOM; the day I took off my garments; the last day I went to church; first alcohol; first sleeveless shirt; the day I told my family; the day I moved my garments in a big bag to the basement; the day I tossed that bag in the dumpster (one year after I first took them off).

And yet I still feel the need for ritual sometimes. For example, I want to go on a camping trip and light a big bonfire. I want to throw in my temple recommend and call out, "I reject the institution that tells me I can't worship." Then throw in a pair of garments and call out, "I reject a god that micromanages me, down to the clothes I wear." (But since I threw them all in the dumpster, I can't. It felt so anti-climatic.) Then throw in a Book of Mormon and call out, "I reject a religion that demands stupidity and unquestioned obedience." Then throw in a sheet of paper where I wrote the ways the church has hurt me and call out, "I reject the Mormon fta and open up a new phase in my life where I am in control to live, love, think, and play how I see fit."

And then strip down and go skinny dipping or something. I've never done that. It seems like it would be very liberating. I imagine I'd have to be quite drunk by that point.

But when it comes down to it, I'd probably feel really stupid doing all that, rather than liberated.

Have you done anything ritualistic or formal to mark the passage of the old, Mormon you to the new, better you? I'm sure handing in your resignation is one of those ways, something I have yet to get around to.