Waco, wacko
At work, one of my colleagues revealed he's from Waco, Texas, so I commented that my college has as many connotations as Waco. Of course, everyone then asked where I went to college. I started internally berating myself for bringing it up, but I told them anyway: BYU. The inevitable follow-up questions ensued. "Are you Mormon? Did you grow up in Utah?"
I told them, No, I'm not Mormon. But I was raised Mormon.
One women related that she has Mormon neighbors who are very nice to her. They cook her dinner, get her to come play volleyball (at the stake center?), and, yep, you guessed it, invite her to church.
"No way," she said, "that's where I draw the line. I am Catholic and am staying that way. I'd like to think they're being my friends for my sake, but I can't help think they just want to convert me."
"Sorry," I said. "They will always have conversion on their minds. Of course Mormons are capable of making friendships for the sake of friendships, but it will always be somewhere in their minds that they should try to convert you. Sorry, but that's the way it is."
We got into a discussion that included Under the Banner of Heaven and blood atonement, the church's restrictions on piercings, premarital sex, tattoos, and how BYU came dead last in a ranking of party schools. I told them I was thinking about both a nose piercing and a tattoo, and they teased me that now that I am settled down with a family, I'm going through my rebellious stage. That made me laugh.
I explained that when I am in Utah, I want to stand out so other ex-mos can identify me easily. A lot of us are in some degree of hiding, so it's hard to know who is who. I nose piercing would be a great clue, I told them. To that, one of the guys joked about secret handshakes.
"Actually," I said, "funny you should say that. Mormons do have secret handshakes. And if I ever gave one to someone, they would know I'm an ex-Mormon."
"Wacko," the Catholic girl said. I concurred.
The conversation moved on, and I went home at the end of the day. And I realized I was in a damn good mood. Talking about Mormonism, and having people agree with me that some of that stuff is just wacko--that made me feel good. I'm not crazy after all.
7 comments:
It's interesting to find out people's view of Mormonism when they are not being polite because you are one. One of my good friends grew up in Illinois, near a lot of church historical sites. She told me about visiting these in school etc. Then she told me how the consensus around there was still that Joseph Smith was a con man and the Mormon church a fraud. Even though I'd known it wasn't true for years, it was still interesting to hear someone say that, after a lifetime of hearing how much outsiders will respect us for being LDS. Most people are probably just too polite to tell an active Mormon what they really think.
I'm not quite sure what to think about the "rebellious stage" comments - I hear it a lot in the Exmo community. Why is it strange to consider piercings or tattoos? Why are those kinds of decisions "rebellious" versus expressing yourself how you choose to? I can see the sentiment from the Mormon aspect, but within the Exmo community it doesn't add up to me.
I have a profound respect for anyone, Exmo or no, who chooses how they want to celebrate themselves and their lives. If tattoos are your thing - go for it. If piercings work for you - go for it. I'm not an advocate of anarchy - I think most options are on the table, except for being self-destructive (any type of violence, animal cruelty, cocaine binging, vandalism) or harmful (alcohol poisoning, smoking, etc).
One pet peeve? People assuming that those without religion are somehow devoid of morals or values.
Incredibly amusing word verification: fuqbki
I have a close friend of almost two decades who had always been fairly circumspect with me about Mormons and mormonism--tried to be pretty positive (though he cautiously told me several times that it seemed to him I was moving towards the door--which I vehemently denied. Doy.)
When I told him I didn't believe anymore, he finally confessed to me that he saw mormonism as a cult and it always bugged him how I he felt I had a very wide-ranging mind, but that in that one area I seemed to be voluntarily keeping it in a tiny little box.
My experience has been similar to yours, efta, in that most people, when they find out about the weirder aspects of mormonism (underwear, temple rituals, food storage)they find it completely bizarre. Usually when I mention I'm from Utah or went to BYU the conversation naturally segues to "wow, those Mormons have some nutty beliefs".
When I lived in Utah I *hated* the homogeneity of the culture, and my years at the Y were sheer hell. The one area where I proudly let my dislike of the culture shine through was my clothing -- I wore the clothes that *I* liked, including tank tops and short skirts, even to BYU sometimes. I don't know how, but I managed to escape the notice of the honor code office, but I heard other students talking loudly (so I would hear) about how my clothes were inappropraite. It amused me to no end. (I think I would have cried if they had *approved* of what I was wearing, because then I'd know it was frumpy.) I wore the clothes I did because I liked them, but it was definitely also a way to distinguish myself as not part of the group.
I don't even have to try to not look the part when I visit Happy Valley. Not because I look extreme in any way, I just think the "uniform" aspect gets worse the older you get in Happy Valley. For women, a fashion sense not informed by garment lines will mark you an outsider easily. Come to think of it, in my case, just being an unmarried (at least for the next few months,) childfree thirty year old woman is enough to set off alarms for most! :)
fitm- Bless them for being polite. Can't really tell a believing Mormon that JS was a fraud, can they? I wonder how I would have reacted...Just thought they were misinformed by anti-Mormons?
sideon- The girl who made the "rebellious stage" comment actually has two tattoos and a nose piercing, so she was joking. But I understand your point. I like the idea of expressing oneself through body art.
bel- Interesting. I think that I have some people who would see the same in me--that I was closed-minded about certain things before. (Oh, the things I said while I was TBM!)
rolypoly- Oh, how I wished you and I had been at BYU at the same time--as long as I had been a non-believer then, too. The agony you must have gone through at that school. And it was people like me who would have been judging you. [embarrassed smile]
While it's true that many mormons will always be trying to convert - I think some take it more seriously than others.
I think of it a little like your rabidly libertarian (insert different political party here). Sure, they would love for you to agree with them and vote on their issues. But in the end, will they still be nice and be your friend as much as they can? Probably. I don't know.
I guess living outside the morridor - I find there are lots of people in small wacky sects who don't have obvious motives for what they do. Sometimes people are just being nice.
It's unfortunate that you are from Utah, so the question usually comes up. I haven't had to mention that I was raised mormon to anyone in the longest time. It's wonderful. You could always lie and say your parents loved to ski...
aerin- I think you are right that others take it more seriously than others. I never tried to convert anyone, never tried to hand out a BoM, never asked anyone to church (except that one boy in 2nd grade!). I was just never comfortable with that.
But it was still somewhere in the back of my mind. "Member missionary" work, you know. I thought, "I'll find someone who is interested." ... "They would make good Mormons." ..."I really should try to talk to someone about it."
And while I wasn't comfortable saying, "Would you like to hear about my church?" I did talk about it more often than anyone else talked about _their_ churches.
So, yeah, when I say, "Mormons do this" or "TBMs are like that" what I really mean is, "I used to be like this"! ;)
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