timetable of disblieving and leaving, part 2

Continuing from yesterday's post...

Of all the disaffected, ex-, and former Mormons I've met, none of them followed those paths. None of them left because they were offended by something said in Sacrament meeting (it may have been the last straw to push them from faithful non-believer to non-attender, though). Plenty of them, myself included, were faithful attenders, pray-ers, and scripture-searchers for years, and up to the point of non-believing.

I don't know anyone who was offended and then sought to justify that feeling through reading "anti-Mormon" literature. I do know people became disaffected through their own reasoning and moral compass, and only read the literature later. I also don't know anyone who read the scholarly literature on Mormonism and "believed every word." From what I've seen, many people start reading in an honest and innocent desire to understand Mormonism better, and to be a better Mormon. When I read, I didn't just believe every word. In fact, I disbelieved a great portion of it, denied much of it, ignored a lot of it. I twisted evidence, I manipulated interpretations, I hoped beyond hope that some of the stuff I was reading didn't mean what I feared it meant. And when I finally got past that barrier that wouldn't let me look at it objectively, I read critically. I checked references, I sought corroborating evidence, I followed up with multiple sources, I carefully chose what to read and pointedly avoided anything I thought would be "anti-Mormon."

To help dispel the misconceptions about how Mormons become disaffected, I add my timetable of disbelieving and leaving. My story is just one anecdote in the world of the DAMU; each story is unique, interesting, and valid. We are not easily offended sinners who can't tell a lie from a well-researched argument.

My mental break from the church began in fall 2003 when I read Under the Banner of Heaven, Mormon Enigma, Sunstone, Dialogue, and met real live (in the closet) disaffected Mormon friends. I continued reading, at a slow pace, for the next year or so. My serious mental break started in February/March 2005. I decided I still wanted a temple recommend, as an anchor, and got it honestly and legitimately (though, admittedly, with a little wider interpretations than the interviewers probably expected). Within a week I started reading in earnest, with an open mind. After reading some more books, my belief in the church was gone within weeks.

Immediately after (not before) the loss of belief, I did the the following, in this order.

-stopped reading Mormon scriptures

-stopped paying tithing to the church

-stopped praying, in the Mormon sense

-stopped wearing garments

-stopped going to LDS church services

-resigned from my calling

-tried coffee

-tried alcohol

-shopped on Sunday

-became an atheist

I went from temple-recommend holder to non-believer, non-attender in two months. I never, ever, ever thought it would happen. I used to be as TBM as they come.