stealth
I look Mormon. I have no tattoos, only one set of ear piercings, no "extreme hairstyle." I dress pretty plain, nothing goth or too skimpy or stoner or anything else that would send up red flags for a conservative, devout Mormon. I grew up here, so my accent isn't off. I'm seven generation, so I'm not asking anyone, "What's a ward?" or "What's that pointy white building on the hill?" In other words, I am an ex-Mormon in hiding. My husband joked, "So, you're going stealth?" At least he has a goatee, so no one is mistaking him for the elder's quorum president.
Some of the time, I like being stealth. No one treats me like pariah, people talk freely around me, I don't get nasty looks in the grocery store aisle. I'm just one of them. But I'm not. Which makes it kind of fun, in a way. Like I have a little secret that no one suspects.
Some of the time, though, I really want to do something to look different. To let them know I'm not one of them, and I'm okay with not being one. Get a second piercing in my ears, a nose ring, or a tattoo. Wear sleeveless, or even spaghetti strap shirts. Order a drink in a restaurant. Walk to the park with a coffee in hand. Part of that is wanting to distinguish myself from the devout Mormons. Part of that is wanting to announce my membership in the DAMU, among the disaffected. I walk around town thinking, Somebody here has to be a nonbeliever. Somebody here has got to be a DAMUite. My husband and I joked about getting T-shirts made that would announce our status to other DAMUites, but not clue devout Mormons in to our alternative paradigm. "Friendly neighborhood atheist" or "happy heretic" may be a little much for Utah. A shirt that says "DAMU" or "FLAK" would do nicely, I think. Everyone would just think it's some new name brand they've never heard of, but fellow DAMUites would know, and smile. Because, though I look Molly Mormon, I am really one of you.
6 comments:
You didn't look Molly to me! I do like the T-shirt idea. While I was in Utah I thought it'd be fun to wear a t-shirt with SML on the front, to see if anyone knew what it meant. He he.
Sterling Memorial Library?
I hear you about wanting to have some visual cue that you're not one of the them. Don't count on people not talking to you about Church all the time, though -- even a tank top couldn't protect me from that.
If you do start bearing your shoulders around Utah County, though, prepare yourself for blatant stares from random, middle-aged priesthood holders calculating in their minds just how easy you are. ;)
Amen, FTA. One of the reasons I keep my goatee, even during all the times I get annoyed with the upkeep, is to set myself apart from the Utah Mormon population. (Interestingly, my EQP in Massachusetts, whom I liked quite a bit, had a goatee. He was also a liberal Democrat and a bit of a maverick in many ways.)
I like to fly under the radar in most situations, around neighbors and friends (and especially in-laws!). But I also like to quietly and almost passingly identify myself as post-Mormon, in subtle ways.
On the subject of nonbelievers -- there are many more of us around than we'd suspect. A few weeks ago, I ran into a guy at Barnes & Noble looking to buy Dawkins' The God Delusion and we got into a conversation about how we were both "quite secular" and so on. It was a pretty cool moment.
rolypoly- I have worn tank tops now, and have gotten a few looks. But fewer than I would have thought. There are a lot more sleevless shirts around than there were before. Or was it just that I didn't notice before? After starting to wear them, though, I realized something: People may see me as a potential convert.
MC- Mr FTA had a goatee when we still went to church, too, so I never really thought of it as rebellious. But every time we'd come back to UT to visit family, they'd all bug him about shaving. WTF? It's facial hair! It just happens.
Hey. I found your blog through Sister Mary Lisa (whose blog I found yesterday). Like I did with her blog, I'm going through all your archives. I've only talked in depth to my sister about my feelings about the lds church, and reading your blog has been really helpful. I feel kind of closeted. I'm afraid to tell my mother--she still cries over my sister, who left the church something like 5 years ago--and my husband--even though I don't think he totally believes so much anymore, and neither of us attends. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you.
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