a letter from the bishop

The letter from the bishop came the same day as the other letters. It was typed, and over one page single spaced. Reading almost made me want to write him back to explain things. His writing was sincere, if confused and firmly within the Mormon paradigm. I won't quote the letter here in full, but I'll summarize and editorialize.

He expressed sadness, and asked that if we were offended by him (what it is with people thinking people leave for being offended?!?) to let him know and forgive him--humans are fallible, the church is True. I disagree. Frankly, it had nothing to do with him at all. He didn't drive us away, and he couldn't have helped us stay.

He then mentioned free agency, saying God never forces us, so he's respecting our decision. Good man. He may think we're using our free agency poorly, but at least he didn't berate us about it.

I could tell he read our letter carefully (even though we didn't write it carefully), because he told us exactly in what circumstances he will break confidentiality on this matter (he'll tell the Elders quorum and Relief Society presidents to take us off their lists). My concern with confidentiality was that somehow my father would be notified (he is a stake president), but the bishop referred to our friends in the church, and hoped that we would be able to keep up those friendships. We had many acquaintances in the ward, most of whom we lost long ago, once the weekly social contacts were dropped. We did have a few real friends in the ward, most of them non-believers whom we still contact (hi!), and the rest NOMish or Cultural Hallish people (those who are "in the church but not of it").

He took time to thank us for our past contributions and service in callings. That was nice, though I regret all the tithing.

Then came the lecture about the Three Reasons People Leave the Church.

1) They are sinning.
2) They were offended and fail to forgive.
3) "They cannot reconcile the theories and philosophies of men that they embrace with the teachings of Christ as taught in the Church."

To his credit, he didn't accuse us of sinning, or try to guess which "philosophy of men" tricked us away. Instead, he wrote, "I believe that you are intellectually honest. However, not knowing your issues I won't attempt to persuade you to reconsider your actions..." He them encouraged us to write down our concerns and come back to the list in 10 or 20 years, and that by then, "the issues that bring you to request leaving the Church today will have been resolved and you will have satisfactory answers and enlightenment" enough that we may want to come back. (Or not.) When I read that, I joked, "Oh, the church will allow women the priesthood in the next couple decades!" Not that that was the only thing that pushed me to leave.

I thought, over all, the letter could have been much, much worse. I wasn't emotionally affected by the letter like I would have been in the past, when things were still raw. I wasn't mad that he wrote even though I asked him not to. I kind of appreciated it, and it almost made me want to explain some of the issues to him--to explain that these aren't issues that I will just forget about in 10 or 20 years. These aren't issues that the church will fix in the next little while, if ever.