the elephant in the room
When are we going to talk about it? How will it come up? Should it come up? Is there ever a good time to bring it up? The conversation will, inevitably, be awkward and painful. And will having the conversation even help in the end? Will it make things better? Or will both parties just leave the conversation feeling the barrier between us even more keenly? Why have a conversation that will bring tears, leave us in tears, and only widen the gap, strengthen the barrier, make the elephant's shit smell even worse?
It just doesn't come up. It doesn't. As if we skirt the issues as far as possible, and if anyone makes a comment that comes close, we all just let it slide. Pretend it didn't happen. Roll our eyes, feel a little uncomfortable, then move on. I love talking about the issues. I love it. It's interesting and cleansing. It's helps me move on, and gets me to think through things. I've talked with devout Mormons, ex-Mormons, jack Mormons, never-Mormons. I've been variously neutral, angry, happy, impassioned, and calm in those conversations.
But with devout Mormon family? How will that turn out? I've only tried to make minor comments, hoping they would bite and we could have a good conversation, philosophy of religion style. It's never worked. I either get frightened looks, uncomfortable silences, or lectures about the nature of God's commands. Could it ever been calm?
How long can I let it all slide, without being bowled over by the dominant Mormon culture and beliefs? Where's that balance between adopting their language and asserting my own?
I grow stronger in my own identity and new paradigm; how much of that do I show--for my comfort and sanity--and how much do I hide--for their comfort?
2 comments:
I love your last paragraph. That's how I feel too.
It's like visiting an alien planet, isn't it? Or watching a cross between Invasion of the Body Snatchers and The Stepford Wives.
My advice: Be a resident alien. Refuse to assimilate. Proudly hang on to your own language. Keep flying the flag of your homeland. Don't cower down and hide who you are to make anyone else more comfy. They won't do the same for you. It's all about boundaries.
I suggest looking at them as if they are in a zoo. Observe. Note similarities in thinking, reasoning, reacting. And then thank your lucky stars that you can walk out of the zoo anytime you want, while they are still stuck there thinking this is all life has to offer.
Maybe repeating the 11th article of faith to them over and over will help stop the elephant from charging...
Just my 2 pennies.
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