resignation
I've thought about resignation from the church for two years now. I had planned on writing a post about "to resign or not to resign" but never got around to it. And here I am, resigned. So I guess I decided, didn't I? Why did it take so long?
At first, in those few months after leaving, I was just too scared. It was too big of a step, and I was unsure of myself. The way I was raised still had a very strong hold over me. Resignation was bad, bad, bad, stupid, stupid, stupid. Eventually, those feelings wore off, but by then, I didn't think about resignation much. Life and recovery just happened. It was inertia, I guess, that kept me from bothering. Kind of lame, huh?
When I did think about it, I debated between three choices: resignation, excommunication, and mere inactivity.
With resignation, I'd take matters in my own hands, decide the day I ended my relationship with the LDS institution. Resignation is often referred to as "having your name removed," which I think is disturbingly passive. It gives the action and power to the church. With resignation, even if the difference is in terminology only, I am the actor. The church insists on name removal, but legal precedence says the moment you hand in (or mail in) your letter, you are no longer a member. Whatever they do afterward--name removal, disciplinary action--is their business and has no bearing on you. In fact, if they initiate disciplinary action after your resignation, they are on legally shaky ground (according to precedence).
Excommunication would, I imagine, hurt my family's feelings more than my resignation. I figure that they would construe resignation as my mistake, my sin, while excommunication couldn't be a mistake because the church is perfect, isn't it? But I figure there are good reasons to "allow" the church to excommunicate you rather than just turn in a resignation letter, such as in the cases of the September Six. They wrote legitimate , good scholarship and the church asked them to stop. They said no. So they were ex'ed for telling the truth and refusing to retract those truths. That is a worthy cause, although undoubtedly painful for them. I played with the idea of not resigning just in case I eventually decided to write about Mormonism, and see if the church bothered me about it. Become yet another martyr in the intellectual freedom battle. I guess I decided it wasn't worth the hassle. I may yet publish about Mormonism, but they can't ex me now.
Inactivity would, I suppose, make my family the most comfortable. They could go on imaging that I'll come back any week now, that I'm not a hard apostate, I'm not so deceived and confused that I would do something so stupid as "ask for my name to be removed." This would be the easiest route, the route many take to appease spouses or extended family. Inactivity, though, would open myself--and my children--to harassment from the church. The church wouldn't think of it as harassment, of course, but an organization calling you every year, sending you letters, enticing your children to their activities with treats and games in hopes of indoctrinating them, even though you've asked them to leave you alone? That's harassment. I don't want the primary to bother my family. I don't want the deacon's quorum to make a project out of my son. I don't want insincere "thinking of you" cards from the relief society. I don't want to be talked about in bishop's council, to have men creating strategies on how to get us to show up at church so they can boost their attendance numbers.
I eventually decided it was a matter of integrity and conscience to resign. If I came across a non-profit institution that formally discriminated against women and homosexuals, that hid its financial dealings but was obviously rich, not to mention all the other wacko things the church does, I would most certainly NEVER consider joining or even giving money to it. To me, the church is an organization whose policies, actions, and doctrines I profoundly disagree with. How could I remain on its rolls, especially since my name was put there when I was just a little kid, far too young to decide for myself?
Don't count me in your 12 million, Hinckley. I am not LDS.
8 comments:
I am on the inactive appease your spouse list right now, and I realize the time will come when I will need to resign but right now with both my wife and daughter still attending. No need to upset the apple cart. My dream is that someday she will want to resign with me, but I don't hope for it.
It sounds to me like you made the right choice to resign. Personally, if someone in my branch has no desire to be a member anymore and they make that very clear, then we explain to them how to have their name removed. We don't make strategies to get people back for increasing our numbers. I call that "warm body evangelism" meaning "We want some more warm bodies in here." If someone is having a tough time and struggling, then we try to be encouraging and helpful - one sister just came for the first time in probably a decade because the Relief Society brought her dinner for a week after her mother requested it because her cancer had relapsed. If you want to be out, though, I think it's best that you be out. I don't want to be that home teacher (or my wife to be the visiting teacher) who has to figure out how to reach you. If you ever want to return, then that's your thing, too, but I don't want to force my faith on anyone.
Good luck to you.
az- I totally understand. It would just unnecessarily rock the boat--and I'm sure that's a very difficult balance. Have you officially joined Judaism? Is there anything official there to do? I was just wondering, because the new Church Handbook of Instructions says that joining a different church is grounds for ex-communication. It wasn't before. Just something to think about it.
Robert- Thanks. It's refreshing to know there are faithful Mormons with a level head about such things.
Congratulations. I completely agree that it's "a matter of integrity and conscience" to resign. As I explained to the dip-shit bishop who was trying to talk me out of it, "would you want your name on the rolls of an organization that you don't believe in? What if you were listed with the Klu Klux Klan?" While he didn't appreciate the comment, he also couldn't argue with it. The asshat sat on the resignation for a few more weeks, so I went directly to Greg Dodge and cc-ed aforementioned asshat.
Did I read somewhere that you'll be in the Bay area sometime this year?
sideon- Thanks. Sorry about your trouble with that bishop. Isn't it great to be out though? We'll see if the bishop here gives us trouble. The letter was confirmed delivered to him this morning.
And yes, I'll be in the Bay area in August, at least. Wanna hook up?
No I have not "officially" converted to Judaism, and if that day comes then I would resign as matter of committment to Judaism. The interesting thing is that most of last summer I attended a local Lutheran Church (ELCA) and did "join", but right now my wife's Bishop has no interest in me. My fear/wish is that when the ward splits later this year the new Bishop will more time on his hands and try to force my hand.
I wonder what kind of effect that would have on Mrs. AA if the chruch initiates a court of love against me??? My writings and feelings towards the church would warrant an excommunication based on their standards.
PS- I think Robert is in the minority though, most wards do plot how to reach to inactives along with Stake Presidencies. To many it is about numbers and climbing the pyramid. From a PR standpoint the church would do better if they did what Robert's branch does with inactives.
az- That makes sense. So much depends on the personalities of the bishops. Which is amazing, really, considering the centralization of the church. Given how much is determined down to minutiae, there is still room interpretation and variation in local practice.
A friend of mine has officially joined another church, but the local ward has not bothered him about it. But technically, a bishop could if he bothered.
If the church handled "inactives" like just about every other church does, they would have dropped me from the rolls after it was obvious I wasn't coming anymore (a couple months). That way acknowledges that the people who stop coming might have done so for legitimate reasons, and gives them the benefit of the doubt that they are not so stupid they forgot where the church meets. The Mormon church doesn't give that respect.
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