housekeeping
Doing some spring cleaning this weekend, I stumbled across lots of LDS church-published books and pamphlets. It surprised me a bit, because I thought I had done a thorough throwing-out-of-the-propaganda months ago. Among the books, I found some foreign language Books of Mormon, my scriptures from college, my husband's mission scriptures, flip charts, and a bunch of Liahonas (the foreign language version of the Ensign).
A couple days before, I had a conversation with a nevermo friend of mine. She said how very satisfying it had felt to break a bunch of dishes when she was packing up her apartment after a divorce. "We ordered these plates special for our apartment together." SMASH! "We got this as a wedding gift." CRASH!
I thought I'd apply this to the Mormon books, and put everything on a big pile on the living room floor and set to with ripping. I ripped my way through Books of Mormon, seminary charts, missionary discussion booklets, magazines. I eventually grabbed a razor and slashed through a hymn book.
It turned out to be rather unsatisfying. Not negative, just...blasé. I just couldn't care enough about the books for it to feel cleansing or cathartic. I should have done this two years ago. Then it would have felt like I had to actually overcome something, that strong psychological pull that would have told me those books were sacred and special, and that destroying them was tantamount to spitting in the face of God. But these two years down the road, I just don't care anymore. They're just silly little books with shallow theologies. Meh.
9 comments:
LOL on my mental image of you sitting there, after having ripped, wondering, "Why did I just do that? I could have drank a cup of coffee instead."
Meh. LOL.
Or should that be "could have DRUNK?"
Hmmmm.
Plus, ripping stuff up just isn't the same as BREAKING. Smashing things is more fun.
Part of me wonders if I should do something similar to all of the Ensigns we have and stuff, but I don't think it would do anything right now but make me feel more depressed. I'll wait a little bit and then either toss them or, if I think it will be cathartic, I'll rip them as well.
"Smashing things is more fun." That makes me giggle for some reason. I guess because I agree and can imagine myself doing something like that.
Yes, I could have just drink/drank/drunk a cup of coffee instead. Spiked with something.
Rebecca- I agree, smashing would be more fun.
lemony- Destruction's never really be my thing. But I can imagine if there were something that was big and significant, like tearing down a wall to renovate a house--that might be exhilarating. Find your own way, I say. It is satisfying to drop everything (garments) in the dumpster and not care. Oh, the power they used to have over me!
On her last visit my mom brought me my "quad," a compilation of the bible, bom, D&C and POGP. It's one of those mini numbers that snap up and my name is ever so tastefully embossed on the cover in gold lettering.
I remember when my mom gave it to me. It was my birthday, I was sixteen or seventeen. She said, "I know you don't want this, but it's my responsibility to make sure you have it." Haha! I guess I just left it at their house all these years.
I have no idea what to do with it. I'm not big on the destruction thing, either. I'll prob just toss it in the trash one day when I come across it (I'm not even sure where I put it.)
rolypoly- I had one of those too. I tossed it already, months ago. (I think.)
That's funny that your mom got you one even though she realized you weren't a believer.
How did you pass all those ecclesiastical endorsements anyway?
How did I get my endorsements? Well, at least a couple of times, someone we both know was kind enough to overlook my non-attendance and just sign them. :)
One of the real benefits of being a home town single girl at BYU was that you could pretty much attend any ward (home, stake singles, student) you wanted to. So, right around endorsement times, I'd just switch wards, and talk to a bishop who didn't know me. None of them ever gave me any trouble.
I'm not proud of it, it was awfully sneaky and dishonest, but the alternative was to pause my education to save money to switch schools, or go to church. I decided the first option would only keep me in Utah longer and the other option would drive me batshit crazy.
So, there's my long-winded explanation. :)
Sadly, I couldn't figure out any way to get out of the mandatory religion courses. >:|
rolypoly- Sneaky, sneaky. The things one must do to survive as a non-believer in Utah. Sigh.
I had forgotten about that certain someone who signed your endorsements anyway. Makes me want to give him a hug. I thought he was really strict, but I guess he has a big heart, huh?
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