the body
My attitudes toward life and, specifically, my body, have changed since leaving the church.
For one, I never cared all that much about my appearance, or tried to be particularly feminine. Though it's in the Utah Mormon culture to do so, I've never been high maintenance, never died or bleached my hair, never wore make-up in junior high or high school, never laid out to achieve a tan, didn't wear jewelry. I kind of figured God made me the way I was on purpose, and I didn't need to change that. Plus, those verses in Isaiah are pretty harsh against high-maintenance women.
Now, I'm still not high maintenance, but I have appreciated femininity more. I feel less frumpy without garments, and I have adjusted my wardrobe to include clothes that are flattering to my female form. I am more daring in what I buy, as far as getting out of my comfort zone on color and style. I have pierced my ears, I occasionally wear a little make-up (my husband prefers me without it, so I usually go for the easier route of not bothering), I'll put on some jewelry now and then, and I often even do something with my hair. I do this not in a response to becoming more "worldly" or "vain," but in a recognition that all this stuff is just cultural, social. I'm doing what I want with my style (in the framework of American culture), and not worrying about what God thinks about it all. Because even if there is a God, s/he doesn't give a damn about my clothing and hair.
When I was a Mormon, I had a "it's pointless to try too hard" attitude about my life. That is, I always believed that I would die when I was supposed to, and then get resurrected with a perfect body. So exercise, eating healthy? Not all that important, really. I mean, I did eat pretty well, and I did get some exercise, but I wasn't going to go all out. If I died when I was 62, so what? I'd still live forever, wouldn't I? That would be better than living to be 100, but senile and bedridden for the last 20 of them. Might as well get the next life and in the perfect body started, right?
Now that I've left, and believe there is no afterlife, no resurrection, that this is the only life and only body I'll ever get, I hold it more precious. While I'm not a perfect eater and exerciser, I try a lot harder. I care. My consciousness will only be around as long as my body is in good shape, and I intend to keep it that way as long as possible.
7 comments:
Very healthy approach to it all. Sometimes I think that people who believe in an afterlife do so because they are just a bit lazy...
My father asked me what kept me from going around breaking the law and killing people if I knew that I wasn't going to suffer for it eternally. I told him that because I don't believe in an afterlife it requires me to treat others (and myself) with as much care and consideration as possible -- this is the only life we've got. It makes me more aware of my place in the universe as well as any other sentient being's.
Go ahead and put on some mascara if you like. Others' appreciation of the care you give to your body is a great boost. It doesn't change who you are on the inside but it does raise the confidence levels.
The beauty of seeing someone who's comfortable in their own body is a wonderful thing.
Interesting. I'd never thought of it like that. Thanks fta.
ja
hm-uk- I used to wonder, like your dad, how people behaved without God to guide and punish them. I think I thought they were all bad people. Now I think I'm a better person. I care more about social issues, politics, the environment, health issues, helping people, making the world a better place.
About the make-up, it bothers me that I need to put on mascara to make people think I care about how I appear. Men don't have to do that. I'm not a slob without it. I believe I actually look quite decent without it. When I get compliments on the days I spend more than 5 minutes on my hair, put on make-up, dangle some earrings, I laugh, because, what's so different today than yesterday? People have bought into these silly norms that women look better when they put artificial color on their faces.
If we were in other parts of the world, it'd be tattoos, or lip discs, or elongated necks. Or the eyeliner would be freakishly thick, or whatever. It's so arbitrary.
But then I think, so what? So what if it's arbitrary? I happen to live in a place where eyeliner and mascara are thought to make women prettier. I also happen to live in a place where handshakes serve as greetings. Am I going to rail against that, too, just because it's arbitrary?
I suppose the different there is that make-up and other fashion things--hair, nails, tanning, waxing, etc--cost money. Billions of dollars in that industry. Billions that could be spent on much more useful and helpful things. 'Cause, you know what? Without all that extra glamor, men would still want to f--k women. It's biology.
(How's that for off topic?)
Funny final observation! The question is, which women? Whatever the differentiator, women will spend billions on that instead! One need look no further than Chinese foot-binding (or worse, female "circumsion") to see that no price is too high in attracting a male.
Good points, ujlapana. It's always one thing or another to put women in the competition for mates, eh? I guess men do it too, working out, getting high-pay jobs and other things they think women will want of them. Perhaps a useful place to draw a line is when it harms the people. Foot binding and female circumcision certainly harm woman medically and make daily life painful. Make-up and glamor slims pocketbooks, and only in extreme cases, leads to eating disorders and severe self-esteem problems.
But what then of those people who actively choose to change their appearance? What is the line between true personal choice and societal pressure? We might say it's the difference between someone who tattoos their body and someone who puts on makeup - those who choose to alter their appearance and those who feel obliged to 'enhance' it. We wear bras (well I do), we exercise (you do), we bother to ask the question 'why is it even necessary if biology takes care of it anyway?' My thought is that everyone tries as hard as possible to attract the most desirable mate (usually healthy and robust are the evolutionary criteria, right?). Visual enhancement of those markers that indicate strength in men, fertility in women are, perhaps, the reasons behind the mascara and lip gloss. Cultural practices such as foot-binding and circumcision have their place in cultural traditions and are meant to encourage or curtail certain behaviours within the tribe, not necessarily alter physical attributes.
I know plenty of men who groom themselves not out of desire to attract a mate but for reasons of self-confidence. I would reason that if any person is generally attractive then they have to spend less time explaining their actions and they engender a greater sense of cooperation from the rest of the tribe. That said, I don't think that putting on mascara automatically entitles one to a thick slice of the self-esteem cake. In theory, it IS what's on the inside that counts and that is, at the end of the day, what will out.
Thanks for a brilliantly provocative post!
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