exit story 7: the essential questions
After we both renewed our recommends, I had a conversation with my husband where we concluded that you cannot make an honest inquiry into the truth of something if you start with the assumption that it’s true.
I realized that up to that point, I read everything with a barrier in my mind: “The church is true, but…” Anything I read changed my testimony, but it couldn’t demolish it altogether, because I wouldn’t let anything really challenge it. Everything I read had to somehow fit into “the church is true,” no matter the amount of mental gymnastics I had to perform.
So I re-evaluated my approach, and let myself ask the most important questions:
What if it’s not true? Can it be not true?
Where does the evidence lie?
With a clean slate, without assuming it’s either true or not true, I set to on the library books, and spent more time online. I let the evidence fall where it would. I devoured Palmer’s An Insider’s View of Mormon Origins, and Joseph Smith lost all credibility for me as a translator. I read about the Book of Mormon, and it lost any indication of ancient authenticity. I read about the Book of Abraham, and the Pearl of Great Price was out the window. I read about the development of the temple endowment, and the temple completely lost any last vestiges of truth I had clung to.
Within two weeks, my testimony was gone. My world had shattered.
4 comments:
It really feels weird when you realize for real that JOSEPH SMITH MADE IT UP! I couldn't believe that for me it happened so quickly.
Could I use any more forms of the word REAL than I did in one sentence in my comment before?? Sheece.
Yes, that is exactly the question I asked!! Once I allowed myself to openly wonder, "what if it isn't true"... It was only a matter of weeks before my testimony was gone.
Our departure stories are SO similar. It's been therapeutic to read your entries and remember that I am not alone.
"...we concluded that you cannot make an honest inquiry into the truth of something if you start with the assumption that it’s true."
Hey! What a great way to put it!
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