exit story 6: confusion
About the time of the second journal entry, my husband came home with a big pile of scholarly books on Mormonism he had checked out from the library. He started pouring through them, but I was still scared to touch them.
By that time, my testimony had changed to the point where I was barely clinging to the church. I believed that God was at the helm of the church, but that his involvement was rather minimal, that most of the church was the creation of men (yes, men). I believed that there was something about the church that was different than all other churches, even if I wasn’t sure what. That Joseph Smith had something special, that the church was somehow really from God, even if a lot of the stuff JS did—institute polygamy, for example—was not.
But I was terribly confused. How could Smith be a real prophet of God if he did something so stupid as to institute polygamy, claiming it was from God, to satisfy his own desires for sex and power? And shouldn’t the True Church of God be ahead of society on the Civil Rights Movement, rather than behind?
Still, I had just enough testimony left to want to renew my temple recommend. Get it while I still could, especially since there was still a future temple wedding for a little brother. So I renewed it. When the bishop and stake president asked the belief questions, I simply said, “Yes” and left the qualifying statements in my mind. They didn’t need to know my doubts, because I was working through them and trying to resolve them. I did still believe in the church.
Do you believe in the restored Gospel? “Yes,” somehow JS had something special, even if he got power-hungry later.
Do you believe the Book of Mormon is the word of God? “Yes,” even if it’s not maybe an actual historical account.
Do you sustain the prophet
7 comments:
Very interesting! I got my recommend without a proper interview, but that was in Johannesburg and they were desperate for people to go to the temple. And since I was supposed to go on a mission, one day my bishop asked mem some very vague questions and simply gave it to me, and told me the temple trip was on Tuesday.
I had no idea where he was going with his vague questions, so I lied my little tush off and gave him the answers he wanted. Boy, was I shocked when he handed me my TR!
That's interesting. Why were they so desperate? Do they have to keep up a quota? Or do they just want the tithing money or what?
Mine was definitely a standard interview--complete with the SP staring intently into my eyes to try to detect any sign of guilt. So much for his priesthood discernment! I was feeling guiltly constantly.
I only got as far as my bishop, who wanted my non-member hubby to be in the interview with me, and then he gave me a shocker: I had to have written permission from my husband if I wanted to attend the temple. My husband thought that was insane so he said he wouldn't and couldn't give it. It almost drove me to divorce. Thank God he did it, though. I don't have to deconstruct any conditioning that may happen in the temple.
That is the absolutely most patriarhcial, chauvanist policy. I can't believe it, but I know it's there. Granted, he would then have to deal with his wife wearing garments to bed, but still--it should be her decision.
But, yeah, you're lucky you never did go.
Ashes -
yes, I think they had a quota. They had this beautiful temple and hardly anyone to do anything in there. The first time I went as a teen to do BFTD, and I was the only one there. That day they baptized me more than 400 times.
I think as long as you had a pulse and made it to church occasionally, and looked kinda decent, you were given a TR. Especially if you happened to be from several generations of faithful believers.
I think things in the wilderness of the mission field are done slightly differently. So much for the unchanging church...
:-)
I've heard some scary stuff about the church in SA. Like after 1978, the mission pres was told, "Let's not let the church here get a reputation for being a _black_ church. ie, keep the mishies out of the townships, and in the rich white areas."
oh, let me tell you! Even in 1993 and 1994 our wards were very much segregated. Blacks had their own wards and stakes and all that. At that time I lived in some church honcho's house (they were shielding me from bad influence and tried to convince me to go on a mission) and we went to the township once, with the mission pres. He gave a talk and got the hell out of there.
yeah, black people would join the church (mostly to exploit the welfare) in droves, but we were told to stay away from them. They were not invited to the singles dances, to any activities and such. Some of the most horrible racists were in our bishopric.
During my time in Pretoria, I think I have seen only 3 black faces in our ward. And you betcha, they didn't get a temple recommend automatically, when they came of age.
OK, vent over...
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