baby pressure
A friend of mine wondered
Maybe the reason the church tells you to pop them out early is because at that point you're still young and naive, and haven't had time to fear it.
This is definitely the spirit in which I had my son. Way too fast, way too young. And we had even been married for years by the time I had him! I've had people at grad school ask me, "Um, I don't mean to be offensive, but was he planned?"
"Yes, he was," I say. "We were just young and crazy."
I remember feeling the push to bear children while I was at BYU living in married housing. The people without kids were referred to strangely enough as "single people." They were outside the social circles, never quite accepted. The ones with kids had nothing to say to them. I felt like I was getting really old and had waited way too long to get pregnant when I was 21 and had been married for about a year.
When I became pregnant while living there, I didn't tell anyone. I was rebelling against that system of motherhood-is-everything. When I started showing, though, at about 16 weeks, damn my belly, I was suddenly in the in-crowd. Oh, goodie me. The women really had nothing else to talk about but babies and scrapbooking; those were the only issues on which they talked and connected. Even then, I hated that culture, and felt relieved that we moved out of there before the baby was born. Not a single one of my new "friends" tried to follow up when the baby was born. I was in a different ward, you see, all the way down the street.
Maybe the reason the church tells you to pop them out early is because at that point you're still young and naive, and haven't had time to fear it.
This is definitely the spirit in which I had my son. Way too fast, way too young. And we had even been married for years by the time I had him! I've had people at grad school ask me, "Um, I don't mean to be offensive, but was he planned?"
"Yes, he was," I say. "We were just young and crazy."
I remember feeling the push to bear children while I was at BYU living in married housing. The people without kids were referred to strangely enough as "single people." They were outside the social circles, never quite accepted. The ones with kids had nothing to say to them. I felt like I was getting really old and had waited way too long to get pregnant when I was 21 and had been married for about a year.
When I became pregnant while living there, I didn't tell anyone. I was rebelling against that system of motherhood-is-everything. When I started showing, though, at about 16 weeks, damn my belly, I was suddenly in the in-crowd. Oh, goodie me. The women really had nothing else to talk about but babies and scrapbooking; those were the only issues on which they talked and connected. Even then, I hated that culture, and felt relieved that we moved out of there before the baby was born. Not a single one of my new "friends" tried to follow up when the baby was born. I was in a different ward, you see, all the way down the street.
5 comments:
"Not a single one of my new "friends" tried to follow up when the baby was born. I was in a different ward, you see, all the way down the street."
Ouch.
**big hugs to FTA**
Hey, glad I found your blog. I seriously found it from the Molly The Mormon blog, which I can't tell if that blog is serious or sarcastic. Either way, yours is a blog she said not to read. So here I am. No longer Mormon. And very glad.
I'll be back.
Sideon- Thanks for the hugs. Luckily, I had family nearby, so they helped me with the new baby.
Rory- Welcome! Molly's blog is ironic, but she keeps a straight face. I'm glad you clicked on my blog as one not to read. lol
I agree with what your friend said. I had my boy at 27 and I'm terrified of having another one. Meanwhile my friends who were married at 18 have four.
I didn't tell anyone (outside immediate family) that I was preg until I was five months. I just wasn't dealing well with it and couldn't stand all the "Oh my gosh, I bet you are so excited!!! Do you just love being pregnant?" business. I didn't tell anyone in the ward until I was six months and I still got that crap. "No, I'm terrified" wasn't what they wanted to hear.
julia- I wish we could just express what we feel individually about pregnancy (or anything), and appreciate that we all have a broad range of emotions and reactions, rather than just expect everyone has the same thinking as us. I think it's a natural human tendency, though. I also didn't tell anyone in the ward--but I was so big by 16 weeks that they all figured it out. Sigh.
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