visiting churches

In the spring of my disaffection from the church, and the summer following, I started to visit other churches. It never occurred to me at that point that I would stop going to church altogether, so I was looking for a substitute. Something more comfortable, more inspiring, more fulfilling than Mormon church services. This is a little run-down of my impressions of the religious communities I attended in my summer of exploration.

Episcopal

We chose a local episcopal congregation really because a friend of ours played the organ there some weeks. I liked the services well enough, especially since I was still a believer in Jesus' divinity, and I don't mind some ritual now and then. The music was a whole lot better than in Mormon services, what with the skilled organist, the acoustics, and the paid choir. I was also pleased to see a woman and a gay man as priests.

The people in the congregation were thrilled to see new people, and were very friendly after the service during coffee hour. (Coffee hour! At a church! I loved it.) A couple of them did approach us about becoming members or attending regularly, but not in a pushy way. When I said, "We're shopping around," everyone understood and appreciated the desire to try out lots of churches before settling in to one.

Catholic

When some neighbor-friends of ours heard that we had dropped the Mormon church and were checking out other ones, they invited us to church with them. There was never an option in our minds to become Catholics (the whole women-can't-be-priests thing sounds way too familiar), but we wanted to be polite, and we were curious to see how they worship anyway. This particular church caters to a more liberal, young crowd, and is sometimes jokingly called "Catholicism lite." The inside of the church was quite simple, nothing like some of the cathedrals I've seen.

The priest gave a fairly liberal sermon (they're not called sermons in Catholicism, are they?) about doubting and crises of faith--and how they are perfectly acceptable and even good. That warmed my heart to hear that, knowing how Mormonism vilifies doubt and wants not faith, but knowledge, of its members. Looking back at that, I see that encouraging doubt was probably also a way of getting people to turn off their rationality, since virgin birth, transubstantiation, and man-as-god are all pretty hard to swallow.

The couple took us out to lunch afterward (yes, on a Sunday) and we continued to hang out with them the rest of the summer, barbecuing and drinking beer on the warm nights. They never bothered us to come with them again, and they didn't shun us when we didn't want to come again.

Islam

Some other neighbor-friends invited us to the local mosque for Friday services. One of the couple converted to Islam from Lutheranism, the other was a Islamic scholar from central Asia. We were pretty familiar with Islam already, but, again, I was curious, so we went. I borrowed some clothes, a long-sleeved, loose tunic and a head scarf, from another Muslim neighbor, and Mr. FTA, I think, put on an embroidered cap. I have very little trouble about head scarves; it's the more extreme clothing restrictions that are frustratingly misogynist. When we got to the mosque, the guys went to the main room where the iman was, and the women went upstairs to the women's section. There was a speaker so the women could hear. I stayed in the back for the actual prayer, then sat on the floor for the iman's lesson (sermon?). I didn't like the sermon. It was all about how great God is, and how he has been worshiped for all eternity by the angels, and still, that is not enough. I don't understand such a god.

The separation of men and women bothered me, even though I knew that's what they did before I went. (I've seen other mosques where women aren't allowed at all.) It also bothered me that some of the women didn't pray because they were on their monthly cycles. It strikes me as so misogynist, calling women's natural system impure. Afterwards, they took us to lunch, along with two other couples, including the iman. Seemingly automatically, the men sat down at one table and got deep into conversation about theology, and the women and children sat at another.

Friends (Quaker)

I found out one of my colleagues attends the local Friends meeting, so we stopped in one day. There was no way our kids were going to sit there in silence for an hour, so my husband offered to take them outside to the playground. Normally, they have a class for kids, but not in the summer.

The meeting consisted of everyone sitting silently in chairs, which circled the small, plain room. There was no pulpit or central focus; this is meant to emphasis the egalitarian philosophy. I enjoyed the quiet, and let my mind wonder. I though mostly about my journey out of Mormonism. It felt something like fast and testimony meeting, those moments where everyone sits there, no one wanting to get up to speak. Except no one was uncomfortable about the fact that no one was getting up. Eventually, someone spoke. It was the Sunday before the 4th of July, and he talked about how that holiday created cognitive dissonance for him--the independence we celebrate came through war (Quakers are, of course, peace-loving). It was refreshing to hear someone express that; in my experience, Mormon services in July were so blindly patriotic it was scary.

Unitarian Universalism

I've already mentioned the UU services before. I loved going there the first time I went, and I still love it when I go. If I ever join a religious community, that would be the one. But not yet. I just can't commit anywhere yet. The feeling of obligation is too much right now, and always brings flashbacks to Mormon callings and spiritual manipulation. I know I wouldn't get that at the UU, but still. It's not time yet.

In that summer of exploration, we also simply didn't go to church much of the time. We instead enjoyed the nice weather, and went to the park. Or slept in, and lounged around in pajamas. It was wonderful.

One Sunday morning in September, I asked my husband, "So where should we go today?" He gave me a look, and I understood. He didn't want to go anywhere. He was done with church. I, for some reason, wasn't ready to go alone, so I stopped shopping around. I was comfortable with taking a break, perhaps a very long break, from church. Besides, I had just started some new work that often demanded my time on Sundays. And so the shopping around period ended. I still pop into the UU services from time to time. But mostly, I like having Sunday mornings to ourselves.