from homophobic to pro-gay marriage, or thinking for myself
When I was a believing Mormon, I accepted the church's stance on homosexuality. I am now ashamed to admit it, but that's who I was then. That is, I let the church do the thinking. I remember first hearing about the idea that a man could love a man and being utterly shocked. How old was I, third grade? As I grew into a teenager, I remained homophobic, and was confused when I heard of a school-mate coming out of the closet. My thoughts about it evolved over time to the point that I thought homosexuality was not a choice, that it just happened. But I was dead set on the idea of man-woman marriage, and that any sex outside of marriage was wrong. Therefore, any homosexual sex was wrong, too. Until about a year or so before I left the church, I still thought that it was okay to be homosexual, but not to act on it. That asking homosexuals to be celibate was a reasonable idea. I remember hearing one of my non-orthodox Mormon friends voice her support for gay marriage, and being shocked. But I also thought, I should look into this some more.
I have since changed my mind about homosexuality and gay marriage.
Last summer when the nation was embroiled in the debate about a marriage amendment, a Mormon once commented to me "Can you believe that people think homosexuality is natural?" I answered, yes, that homosexuality is natural is completely believable to me. It's just as believable as the naturalness of heterosexuality.
Read anything written by a gay Mormon, and you will see the utter pain and suffering they go through believing the way they are is condemned by God. There is no way choice was involved there. If they chose to be gay, why all the pain and guilt? Why have so many gay BYU students committed suicide? Wouldn't they have just chosen to be straight instead? I don't believe seeing it as a non-choice interferes with Mormonism, either.
I work with two different homosexual couples who are engaged to be married [one of those couples has since married]. They are in love and as excited and as giddy as any heterosexual couples. I applaud them and support them. The amendment would force them to get married only in their hearts; shooting down the amendment would not force any church to perform the marriage for them.
The church can continue to make its stand as outlined in the proclamation. But please don't try to enforce those standards on others or on the nation.
8 comments:
My attitudes underwent a similar transformation. I think it's a common pattern.
The Mormon church has it's own history of sexual deviance (as percieved by mainstream society). I think that the institution overreacts to issues such as same sex marriage because that's part of its own shadow side. If SSM becomes legal, maybe polygamy could too, and then what would the church do?
I think a lot of non-traditional Mormons link polygamy laws and gay marriage laws, but do the authorities? Really, I think they're just so damn homophobic they can't think.
(I was about to say "can't think straight," but that's not the problem is it?)
Great post. I have a brother who's gay, and I remember as a TBM thinking how sorry I was that his "test" in life was homosexuality.
Ugh. Puke puke puke.
The church will of course someday rescind the stance it maintains against gays when social pressure becomes too much, just like they did with blacks getting the priesthood. Then we will see modern-day "revelation" suddenly reveal itself. This is sure to happen.
I just wish I could see RTC's face when she hears the news...
SML- Isn't funny that the church that claims a conduit to God is so _behind_ the moral Zeitgeist on social issues?
And they go lamenting how the world is all evil in letting blacks/women/gay people get rights--until they give them, too. Then they say how wonderful God is to reveal his will to us!
I bet if I had a gay family member or close friend, my thinking would have been challenged much earlier than it was. It wasn't too long ago that I thought of being gay as some people's "earthly test," too. That they would get "fixed" in heaven. Oy, I'm embarrassed to type that.
Great post. Would that more people had your willingness to question the supposed unnaturalness of homosexuality.
I've seen too many friends and acquaintances kill themselves. I can't even "go there" without an incredible rage at the "moral authorities" like Packer. Yeah, if celibacy is reasonable, then why not extend the ridiculous notion to breathing... and he can be the first sterling example to stop.
Mormonism is not a safe and nurturing place for GLTB individuals.
Sideon- I'm glad you approve. I was a little nervous to post this one (I've been holding on to it since January), not because I'm afraid to speak out about gay rights, but because I was afraid I might still think a little backward about the issues--not being gay myself and not having the experiences. It's nice to know I'm not out of the ballpark.
I went through much the same transformation. Very anti-gay (though I styled myself tolerant!) as a teenaged TBM; moved toward genuine tolerance as my doubts grew. I'm proud to say that I rejected the church's stance on gay marriage before my epiphany. But that was because I doubted just about everything else, too.
Good on you, mc. I don't remember exactly when I became pro gay marriage, but I do know I was "anti-abstinence for gay people" before I stopped believing.
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