follow-up
I got an email from my understanding sister about the indoctrination incident. She had known my son was watching the movie, and on the spot decided that we wouldn't mind him watching it. Why? Because she's seen our philosophy on raising him is to expose him to all sorts of ideas. That I was mad about him being exposed in this way led her to think I'm more anti-Mormon than I claim to be, and even anti-Christian. That I dwell too much on the negative aspects of those traditions that I can't see any positive in them. She said she and others feel like I think they're stupid for being Mormon, that they are blind followers.
The letter upset me greatly. It needs a reply, but I haven't gotten into the frame of mind to write it. I toyed with the idea of just being brutally honest and sending her my blog posts (telling her it's my journal). I just read through them again, though, and, well, I do sound like I think Mormons are stupid, don't I?
I was mulling this all over while giving my son a bath.
"Mom," he said, "why aren't you doing anything? Why aren't you talking?"
I didn't reply.
Moo-oommm," he repeated, "why aren't you talking?"
"I'm sad," I answered simply.
"Why?" he asked innocently.
"Because I'm different," I replied, thinking of how my family will never understand me again.
"That's no reason to be sad!" he retorted. I am always telling him it's okay to be different.
"Well," I explained, "they think that what makes me different makes me bad."
"You're not bad. That's not a reason to be sad, Mom!"
"I know, honey, I know."
6 comments:
I guess there's a line to be drawn between making your child aware of and exposed to others' beliefs, and subjecting your child to propaganda. I don't think most faithful Mormons realize the propaganda techniques employed by movies such as The Testaments. They see it as an inspirational story, not a tool of control. Young children just aren't prepared to combat this stuff.
I think that's at the heart of your misunderstanding with your sister.
In a strange way, your experience reminds me of a problem my wife and I had with being around my sister at Easter. Our daughter did a good job of praying on her own. She could say an entire prayer with only the prompting that it was time to pray, and it was one where she clearly was choosing what to be thankful for. My sister's kids, though, sing prayers to everything (and, really, the same song). After that, my daughter had a big problem with saying prayers and still really hasn't gotten back to what she was doing before.
Sometimes, families with different attitudes about things, different beliefs, just conflict without any intention to do so. It's unfortunate because it does leave someone feeling hurt very often. I know I was hurt by how my sister took my conversion, and I know she was hurt by me converting. I know I've been hurt by friends who ostracized my wife because they assume I left the church I was a member of for her, and in a few cases those friends also ostracized me. Feeling different can really stink sometimes, but if you feel that what you're doing is right, then you have to tough it out. You'll learn from the experience, and grow from it, in the end, and it will probably help you all have a better appreciation for each other and your different viewpoints. Well, maybe more of a "hopefully" than a probably. My sister and I were already on shaky ground before, and we're still not tight like we were right after my brother's death. Sorry for rambling. I guess I just know how you feel, and I wish you luck in dealing with your trials.
It was really good to meet you recently. I am sorry your family is giving you a hard time with your son. I hate that religion can cause so much damage to family relationships...I think the mormon church causes the most.
My siblings and my father are a variety of religions. While I was mormon, they all agreed that I was wrong, and it put a wedge between us. Know that I am not a member, a different wedge is there. I am not raising my children in any religion, and that doesn't sit well with them either. (My kids are all teens, and old enough to decide for themselves if they want organized religion in their lives.
As far as the family difficulties, I haven't found a solution. We just agree to disagree for the most part, but I constantly feel judged.
I hope you find a way to bridge the gap with your family.
AKA Julie0shields
Hang in there, FtA.
Sounds like rereading your blog led to a humbling, new self-awareness. Those experiences are painful, but in retrospect, usually defining moments in our lives. I, too, have had a number of such stark realizations lately! Nothing's quite as humbling as realizing that I was wrong about the church, but it's remarkable how quickly my pride can recover!
jonathan- Your thoughts helped me clarify mine, thanks. You influenced my reply to my sis.
robert- I'm glad we can find a connection. It helps me heal.
julie- agree to disagree. agree to disagree. Man, I'm trying...
SML- Thanks, hon.
ujlapana- Your thoughts made me both want to cry and laugh. Thanks for both.
Post a Comment