asserting myself (a little)
At a family dinner with my devout in-laws, my never-mo sister-in-law and her kids, and us, all the food was out on the bar ready for us to fill our plates and take them outside to the patio. I saw my in-laws were feeling the meal couldn't start without a prayer, but my mother-in-law got distracted by something. I wasn't going to stand around doing nothing until she was ready. So I started filling a plate for my son. My sister-in-law and husband followed, and we headed to the backyard. We all began to eat.
My father-in-law made it out with his plate to join us, but my mother-in-law was still inside filling hers. Oddly, perhaps to try to joke, my father-in-law looked at us and said, "Whoever eats first has to ask the blessing."
I wasn't sure how to react to that, but I decided in a split second it needed more of a response that a courtesy laugh.
"We don't say blessings on food," I said pointedly.
"I've noticed," he replied.
And then I felt awkward. I wished I had been able to turn it into my own joke, to ease the tension rather than increase it. I'm not good at that.
My mother-in-law then came out to the yard, set her plate down, and said to her husband, "All right, let's say the blessing." He acknowledged her, and she called out to all the kids who were on a picnic blanket nearby, "We're saying the prayer! Everybody--just--close your eyes."
I leaned over to watch the kids during the prayer. One nephew immediately closed his eyes. My son didn't (and I did an internal cheer). The nephew later opened his eyes and thought it was funny that lots of people weren't closing theirs either. I smiled at him to show my approval and to share in the funny situation.
I was irked. Their praying over their food is perfectly fine, but don't include my kid in it. There was no reason she couldn't have just had a little prayer on the side with her husband--the only other one there who participates in that particular ritual. There's a certain conceitedness in it, that everyone should do what they are doing. Sure, I'll be polite and quiet, as an outsider. But I won't participate any more than I would any other random religious ritual of any faith. Just don't presume that I'm doing something wrong by not getting involved.
7 comments:
Those awkward moments make me want to crawl out of my skin. I'm not good at turning things into jokes to ease tension either. Oy. I hope things went smoothly after everyone started eating.
I did a sort of internal cheer as well while visiting family. Watching my oldest just stand quietly with his eyes open watching everyone else was sort of exciting. I guess because I felt like we were standing firmly and quietly where we chose to be.
Dear Heavenly Father,
We're not grateful for the people who set the table or prepared the food. We're not thinking about the person who went to the grocery store or the guys who stocked the shelves. Believe us, the guys who drive the trucks to the store or--heaven forbid--the poor guys who break their backs picking this stuff will never cross our minds.
We're not even particularly interested in details like growing seasons, soil quality, precipitation, or even the big ball of burning gas we call the sun, that makes all life on Earth possible.
But we're so, SO grateful that you that you gave us this meal, even though you did absolutely nothing but hog all the credit. Could you please change the chemical composition of the chips and hot dogs and soda so our body will think it's broccoli, lima beans, and water?
In the name of some other irrelevant guy, amen.
KingM- Exactly how I feel about it!
Lemon- "we were standing firmly and quietly where we chose to be." This is how I feel, too. They don't understand it, but oh well.
Of course, there are some humorous moments which are more like barbs than humor. Like some time ago, when we had gotten together at my in-laws and were sitting down to eat dinner. I was starting to pick at my dinner a bit in impatience, and then said, for all to hear, "Oops, we have to invoke the Israelite high god first."
On several other occasions, when FIL asks someone to pray before dinner, I've said something like, "Yeah, we don't want our food to be poisoned or anything."
Damn, I've really gotten snarky about prayer over the years.
KingM, you bust me up. You too, MC.
My house my rules. We don't pray over food, not even when the mishies are here. Oddly enough, they respect that. Or are so starved that they don't care.
i really struggle with this issue. i feel it's very important to respect others' beliefs, especially in their homes. so we bow our heads during prayers. but it does turn my stomach a bit, i must admit.
in our home, we don't believe in christianity, but we do have a vague sense of spirituality and consider it good form to have a moment of gratitude and hope for peace for humanity. sometimes we do it, and sometimes we don't - if we're not feelin' it, we don't, and it's not big deal.
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