more on the indoctrination incident

I don’t need ALL religious talk avoided. We talk with my other sister- and brother-in-law about Mormonism quite often (too often?) in front of our son. Hell, we’ve even argued heatedly about whether or not Joseph was a pimp-daddy, my son sitting quietly on my lap. It think it’s unavoidable, and not necessary to avoid, saying things like, “Church starts at eleven,” or “Dad has church meetings tonight,” or even, “My church teaches me that I shouldn’t drink coffee.” But with my family, it goes beyond that. We’ve got nephews telling my husband it’s bad to smoke when he showed up with an empty pipe for a costume party. We’ve got our son coming home and saying things like, “Sunday is a break day. We shouldn’t swim on Sunday.” We’ve got his cousin telling him coffee is bad. And now Sunday morning screenings of Mormon propaganda. And that’s just what I noticed.

Writing it down like that makes it seem so trivial. But it’s the attitude behind it. The attitude that their way is The Way, and that we’re just doing it wrong. The attitude that let’s them say, “Coffee is bad” instead of “I don’t drink coffee, because I believe God doesn’t want me to. But other people think it’s okay. Scientists say it's okay for your body.” The attitude that lets them say, “That’s how Heavenly Father made things,” instead of “Isn’t nature beautiful?” The attitude that colors everything they say with “This is how it is,” instead of “This is how I do it.”

So I never bothered to talked to them about it, and it ended in this movie. Instead, I selectively choose babysitters. My sister is a good choice, because I’ve had many conversations with her about things, and she doesn’t just assume things about me. For example, she asked me, “So how do you want me to handle it when I say prayers with my son and your son is around?” It meant so much to me that she was aware enough to ask. No one else has. I explained to her that we’ve told our son that he needs to be quiet while other people pray, but that he doesn’t have to close his eyes, bow his head, or fold his arms—even if someone asks him to. No one has, though. Which makes me think they are at least somewhat aware. Which lulled me into a false sense of security, I suppose, and I never had The Boundaries discussion with anyone.

So it’s time to discuss with her, and with others. What to what point? How? Do I lay it all down, give them my exit story (edited, likely), tell them I resigned? Say it plainly and clearly that I’m an atheist and that I’ll be raising my son secularly, thank you very much. I hate having to bring it up, because I know it hurts them. I hate bringing it up, because it shows them how much further “gone” I am than they let themselves think. It’s never easy to start up such a conversation. I fear I am incapable of doing it without getting emotional, without raging and ranting, without making them think I’m a bitter ex-Mormon. My family, in general, avoids talking about anything that brings up unhappy feelings. Contention is of the Devil, you know. And confusion, fear, negativity, anger, jealousy, cognitive dissonance, making waves...

How do I word it? How do I say it? Do I talk in person? Do I email? Do I keep it to a minimum, or go all out? I want to do it without making my SIL feel like I’m blaming her. I know I need to talk to them, but my tact so far has been Avoid the House. And that's just lame.