in addition to the incident
Another minor incident occurred along with the Mormon movie incident. Since it plays a part in how I ended up talking to my sister-in-law about it, I report that incident here.
On Sunday, when I was just beginning to suspect my son had just watched The Testaments, but I wasn't sure, my not-quite-baptized nephew asked, "Why don't you go to church?" I looked at the DVD in his hands. It was The Testaments.
"What?" I asked, not sure I had heard him right. Or perhaps I was simply wishing I hadn't heard him right. Something was stirring in me. Shock, swiftly becoming anger, that my son had seen that movie.
"Why don't you go to church?" Was it just me, or was I detecting something other than innocent questioning? Had they been discussing us? Does he already have it in his head that people that don't go to church are somehow bad?
I wasn't prepared to answer this question from a child. With an adult, I could go into things, but a child?
"Well." I paused. "Husband and I think it's not the best place for us to be right now."
"Why?" he pressed.
Dammit. "Um," I stalled as I tried to think of something safe for a child, his mother, and all the other children in the room. Something about it making some people happy, but we're happier without the church.
His mom let me off the hook with, "Everyone gets to make their own choice. That was their choice." She said it very kindly. I'm sure she meant it. But behind it, I saw the Mormon teaching that, sure, we made that choice, but it was The Wrong One.
Between that, and the fact that my son had just been shown that awful movie was sinking into me, I wasn't in the mood to talk anymore, and we left quickly afterward.
4 comments:
This is exactly what I fear happening. Or a niece or nephew will ask S something. Sigh
I don't have children so I don't think that I will have any problems with this question for about four or five more years, until my sister's daughter starts putting two and two together about how 'bad' it is if someone is different or disagrees with churchy things. When (it will only be a matter of time) she does, however, I'm not going to mince words - I'm just going to tell her that I didn't like it, and still don't like it. Maybe by equating it with something she hates but has been told is good for her (like liver or sprouts or something) and trying to keep it lighthearted, she'll get the idea. Fingers crossed, it could all end in tears, though.
I get the feeling from this nephew (the oldest one) that his little brain has already been taught to judge. Quick to judge on non-attendance, coffee, tobacco, etc.
That said, he's also very willing to interact with my DS and with us. The church thing is just one of many things to think about--and dragons and dinosaurs are simply more interesting.
Judementalness (judgementality?) is prevalent in the Mormon culture. It's almost impossible not to feel it, if you believe the gospel. It focuses so much on being "better" than others, and proving to non-believers how righteousness is happiness, every member a missionary, choose the right, etc...
Sigh.
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