so long

This April marks my three year anniversary of my mental break from the Mormon church. At the beginning of April, 2005, I had a near panic attack when I realized I was more of a non-believer than a believer. On the first weekend of that April I visited Target to buy normal underwear instead of watching General Conference, and within the next few days I took my garments off for the last time. It was then when my parents discovered I was questioning the church. It was the most confusing, up and down, back and forth, turmoil-filled month of my life up to that point. On the last Sunday of April, I left the Mormon church services early and have never been back.

Three years is long enough.

It's time to move on.

For over eighteen months I have kept up this blog, with frenetic energy at first, and tapering off over the most recent few months. Early on, my fingers couldn't type fast enough to keep up with my thoughts and stories. I used to jot down notes when I was away from the computer, and write posts by hand during class when I was supposed to be taking notes.

When I have written recently, it's usually been a stretch to find something to write, as if I have to try to find ways Mormonism still affects me. And it does still affect me; it is a part of who I have become. Growing up Mormon and extricating myself from the church partly shapes who I am. But at some point--at this point--I want to stop thinking about it so much and just concentrate on developing who I am now, on becoming something more than an ex-Mormon.

I want to be me now.

I am happy I kept this blog, as it became a type of therapy for me, and I cherish the community and the friendships I have formed. Also, I have been touched by people who have commented and shared their own thoughts and stories, and hearing I have touched at least a few people means a great deal to me.

This blog will remain available so people can read the archives.

Thank you and goodbye.

-from the ashes