Main Street Plaza

If you haven't already, do head over to the Main Street Plaza, a nearly-started hub for all things post-Mormon. It strives to be a place comfortable for post-Mormons, alternative Mormons, and faithful Mormons who want to engage with the likes of us. They also have an amazing blogroll, including bloggernacle (mostly faithful Mormons) and outer blogness (mostly ex/former/post Mormons) blogs alike.

I have contributed one post so far, staking a claim.

I'm reproducing the post below, but to see the comments others posted, follow the link above.

Since moving away from the LDS church, I’ve explored how I feel about my new identity. Am I still Mormon? Do I want to identify as Mormon? Even if I deny that I am Mormon, am just lying to myself? Will I always be Mormon, somehow? It is, after all, not just my upbringing, but my heritage. I grew up in Utah county, daughter and granddaughter to many generations of Mormons.

People who are from other faith backgrounds still think of me as Mormon, just non-practicing. Some faithful Mormons still think of me as Mormon, just not active. Still others would say, “She’s most definitely not Mormon” because I believe and act so differently from the “ideal Mormon.”

There are many ways to describe me and people like me. Ex-Mormon, cultural Mormon, secular Mormon, non-believing Mormon, ethnic Mormon, former Mormon, post-Mormon. Notice I can’t get away from saying “Mormon”?

As much as I’d like to erase that part of me some days, I realize, too, that I am Mormon. Part of the spirit of this blog is, I think, to stake a claim in Mormon-dom for those of us on the fringes. We are Mormon, too.

As my spouse said cheekily, “Hey, there are 8 million of us. Only 4 million of them.” We count for something.

if the missionaries showed up...

Some local non-believing friends of ours recently had missionaries sent to their house. Our friends were quite polite to them, and they joked that they would send the missionaries to our house just for gags. It got me thinking about how I could handle a pair of elders showing up on our doorstep:

[dream sequence fuzzies and music]

[doorbell rings]
[fta sees out the window it's some missionaries, but they don't see her. She doesn't answer the door, pretending she's not home.]
Little-fta: Mom! The dooo-ooorrr! Aren't you going to get it? Mom, someone dinged the doorbell.
fta: Shh, shh. Come here. Let's play the quiet game!

...

[doorbell rings]
little-fta: Oh, I'll get it! [goes down the hall to the door] Sure, come in. Mom, Dad, some guys for you.
[fta, setting dinner on table, turns and sees who it is. Shocked]
Elder A: Hi, how are you? We are missionaries from the Chu--
fta: I know who you are. But who do you think you are, dropping by during dinner time without even calling first?
Elder B: Oh, um--
fta: Uh-uh, you just turn around and be on your way. Who sent you anyway? Who sent you? Get out of my house. Where were you parents to teach you some manners!?!
[fta shoves them out the door]

...

[doorbell rings]
little-fta: Oh, I'll get it! [goes down the hall to the door] Sure, come in. Mom, Dad, some guys for you.
[fta, setting dinner on table, turns and sees who it is. Shocked]
Elder A: Hi, how are you? We are missionaries from the Church of--
fta: Yeah, I know. We're just about to eat, I'm sure you guys are hungry. Little-fta, run and get two more plates. Sit down, I made lasagna.
[we all talk during dinner, specifically avoiding religion by bringing up the NCAA tournament and keeping that the topic.]

...

[doorbell rings]
[fta answers]
Elder A: Hello, we're missionaries from the Mormon church. Are you fta?
fta: [confused] No. Oh, you know what? The doorbells get crossed sometimes. Fta lives upstairs from us. She's not home now, though.
[fta closes door]

...

[doorbell rings]
[fta answers]
Elder A: Hello, we're missionaries from the Mormon church. Are you fta?
fta: Yes, come on in.
Elder A: Well, we're just checking in to see how things are going.
fta: Oh! We're doing great!
Elder B: We're noticed your names on the church roles, but we'd never met you...
fta: Probably because we don't ever come to church anymore.
Elder A: Is there something we could help you with that would bring you back? We'd love to see you there.
fta: Oh, well, you know, it's just not working for us. We're really not happy there.
Elder B: But the Gospel brings such great happiness.
fta: No, not really. Listen, I've got a book group tonight, so I've got to run...Thanks for stopping by.
[shows them out]

...

[doorbell rings]
[fta answers]
Elder A: Hello, we're missionaries from the Mormon church. Are you fta?
fta: Yes, come on in.
Elder A: Well, we're just checking in to see how things are going.
fta: Oh! We're doing great!
Elder B: We're noticed your names on the church roles, but we'd never met you...
fta: Probably because we don't ever come to church anymore.
Elder A: Is there something we could help you with that would bring you back? We'd love to see you there.
fta: You've never met us before, so how could you "love to see us there"? Listen, Joseph Smith was a fraud. The church is a corporate institution, worried more about power and money than the members. We're just not happy there.
Elder B: [shocked] Really, fta, you must have been reading some anti-Mormon literat--
fta: No, I haven't, actually. I've just read Mormon literature. And that was enough. I'm done. Thanks for stopping by, but don't do it again.
[shows them the door]

...

[doorbell rings]
[fta answers]
Elder A: Hello, we're missionaries from the Mormon church. Are you fta?
fta: Yes, come on in.
[brings them to living room]
fta: As you can see, we're just sitting down with some friends to watch the NCAA championship. Everybody, these are the Mormon missionaries. This is Rachel, Jack, Mr. fta, and Sam.
Everyone: Hi.
Mr. fta: Come on, sit down, the game is great.
[missionaries sit, uncomfortable]
fta: [to missionaries] Can I get you guys some beer?

...

[doorbell rings]
[fta answers]
Elder A: Hello, we're missionaries from the Mormon church. Are you fta?
fta: Yes, what can I do for you?
Elder B: Well, we were wondering if we could step in for a minute for a chat?
fta: Oh, well, Mr. fta is at the bar down the street, watching the game. And I was just going to hop in the hot tub. Could we could talk there?
[one gets gleam in his eye but tries to repress it, the other is paralyzed with fear]
[fta laughs devilishly, shuts door in their faces]

...

[ding-dong]
[fta answers]
Elder A: Hello, we're missionaries from the Mormon church. Are you fta?
fta: Yes, what can I do for you?
Elder B: Well, we were wondering if we could step in for a minute for a chat?
fta: Listen, I know you're just doing your jobs as missionaries, and you think you have my best interest at heart. But I'd really rather not like to talk to strangers about my spirituality. How about you come on in and have some lemonade. I'll make you sandwiches, looks like your parents back home would think you're too skinny. What do you say?
[they come in, fta brings lemonade]

...

[ding-dong]
[fta answers]
Elder A: Hello, we're missionaries from the Mormon church. Are you fta?
fta: Yes, what can I do for you?
Elder B: Well, we were wondering if we could step in for a minute for a chat?
fta: Listen, I know you're just doing your jobs as missionaries, and you think you have my best interest at heart. But I'd really rather not like to talk to strangers about my spirituality. How about you come on in and have some lemonade. I'll make you sandwiches, looks like your parents back home would think you're too skinny. What do you say?
[they come in, fta brings spiked lemonade]

...

[ding-dong]
[fta answers]
Elder A: Hello, we're missionaries from the Mormon church. Are you fta?
fta: Yes. Oh! I'm glad you came. Do you think you could deliver an envelope to the bishop for me?
Elder B: Um, sure.
fta: [goes inside, returns with tithing envelope--with resignation letter inside] Here you go. You guys are the best.
Elder A: [pleased to see the tithing envelope] Oh, yeah, sure, no problem.
fta: Thanks! Bye!
[fta closes door, and does a little jig in celebration]

...

[doorbell]
[fta answers]
Elder A: Hi, I'm Elder Roberts.
Elder B: And I'm Elder Lightner. We're missionaries from the--
fta: Roberts and Lightner, huh? Are you related to BH Roberts?
Elder A: Yep, he's my great-great uncle or something.
fta: Did you know he called the Book of Mormon a wondertale of an immature mind?
Elder A: [stammers]
fta: And Lightner? Did you know that a certain Adam Lightner shared his wife with Joseph Smith and then Brigham Young? Yeah, his wife, Mary Elizabeth Rollins Lightner Smith Young, was married to two guys at once.
Elder B: Joseph Smith didn't practice polygamy. I tell you that for sure. I know it.
fta: You know it? How about checking the church's genealogy site. How about you do that, then we'll talk.
[closes door]

...

[doorbell rings]
[fta answers]
Elder A: Hello, we're missionaries from the Mormon church. Are you fta? Can we come in?
fta: Oh, you know what? Mr.fta isn't home. I know you have rules about that. Try back some other time.
[fta closes door promptly and returns to living room]
Mr.fta: [emerges from bedroom] Who was at the door?

Mormon dreams

I had a Mormon dream a couple weeks ago. I was back in Utah, and decided to go to Sunday school in my old ward. They had kept attendance, so I looked at mine for the past several months, and I had come 1 or 2 times each month. That amused me, though I'm not sure why. Perhaps because I wish now that I had been a little less fanatic about church attendance during my believing days. I saw several old neighborhood kids, seeing that one was a doctor now, and chatted genially with old acquaintances. I was careful not to reveal my true thoughts and feelings about the church. I was in a good mood, and was thinking in the back of my dream-mind, "They have no idea that I'm an apostate."

Suddenly, to my confusion and mild horror, I realized I was a graduate student at BYU. And I had to finish not only this semester, but also another year before graduation. It occurred to me that I would have to pass ecclesiastical endorsements, and to do so, I would have to attend church regularly, lie about my beliefs, and stay in the non-believer's closet for that whole time.

How could I possibly do that? How could I have possibly enrolled at BYU? My husband advised me to transfer somewhere else, but for some reason I felt I couldn't. I was stuck, and trying to figure out how to handle it, when the dream ended.

Another dream, this one from the other night:

I've been afraid someone in my family would stumble across my blog, which is why I keep things so anonymous. Those of you who know me in person will know how much I don't talk about here. The other night, I had a dream that someone commented on my blog, and I followed the link to his blog, as I often do when I get commenters I don't recognize. In turned out the blog belonged to my non-believing brother-in-law, and I discovered through reading his blog that his wife, my sister, has also become a non-believer.

I was overjoyed, and immediately identified myself to them. We decided to get together, the two couples, to hang out on a weekend night and chat about our new lives. In the course of the conversation, it came up that we've all started drinking alcohol, so we chatted happily about micro-brews we like (yeah, I'm a beer snob).

It felt so wonderful in my dream to have my sister "out" with me. The greatest pain I feel in having stopped believing is strained relations with my family, and the non-understanding between us that has come as a result. So to have my sister with me on the outside was an amazing feeling.

Hey, I can dream, can't I?

another keyword analysis

I'm not sure why I find the keyword searches that link to my blog endlessly interesting, but I do. Perhaps it's because they give a little window into what people are interested in, insofar as they match what I write about, anyway.

I do give a little devilish smirk when people find my blog by searching for Mormon primary song lyrics or general authority quotes. Mwahahaha. But they never stay. No, they never stay. Because, you know, they chanced to meet a frown, so they did not let it stay. That is, by the way, the primary song that gets people to my blog the most often.

feeling weird about mormon relatives
if you chance to meet a frown, do not let it stay

mormon quote south park
mormons marriage

from the ashes
mormon stereotypes

only believe jesus said
what is a therapist visit like

sealing ceremony ex-mormon
mormons who drink wine

if you chance to meet a frown, do not
molly the mormon song

sunstone dialogue
doy waco

strange mormon habits
if you chance to see a frown do not let it stay

symbols of adulthood
mormon weddings exclusion

hyperbole on sadness
is UU actually considered a church

faith and health
1993 boyd k packer cafeteria mormons

guns germs and steel book of mormon
from the ashes

multi pierced ears graduated holes
tatoos, male earings, catholic church teaching

lds marriage quotes
long long trail awinding into the land of my dreams

ex-christian wrote book why i am now atheist
big rock candy mountain midi

what happens when mormons divorce
boyd packer cafeteria

broken ankle metaphysical meaning
mormon marriage nonmormon

intrinsic vs extrinsic percentages in religion

family relations since then

Mostly, my siblings, parents, and I keep silent about my disaffection.

That first in-person visit, I tried to bring up some things with my dad. I saw he was reading Rough Stone Rolling, so I mentioned I had read Bushman's earlier book about Joseph Smith. I named a couple things about the book I liked, and a couple things I didn't. Bushman brings up, for example, Joseph Smith, Sr's dreams, without discussing the obvious fact that they closely resemble Lehi's dreams from the Book of Mormon. How could he just pretend like there's nothing there? He's got to say something about, like "This confirmed to some that both Senior's and Lehi's dreams came from God, solidifying their testimonies of the book" or "Critics say that Senior's dreams were borrowed, reworked, and put into 1st Nephi as Lehi's dreams." Apparently that was too much for my dad, because he just sat there, with a look of cognitive dissonance on his face. I guess I'd driven the Spirit from the room. I haven't tried to bring up anything with him again.

My mom tries to give me my space without judging me (at least out loud). If she calls on a Sunday, she'll ask, "So what're you doing today? Just hanging out?" And I'll tell her honestly, "Catching up on a little work, maybe take my son to the museum." Last time she called, I had planned on going to the UU service, but couldn't bring myself to tell her so. I don't know why. The conversation lasted too long and made me miss it anyway.

One of my siblings asked me to never bring up religion in her presence ever again. She has her reasons, and they are not that she's just a dogmatic bitch who wouldn't touch doubt with a ten-foot pole. But I still hate that she won't talk to me about it. I mean, jeez, we acknowledged the 800-pound gorilla ("Man, it's ugly, isn't it?"), and then she says, "I'll feel better if we just pretend it isn't there anymore"?

The other day, I was looking back at my timetable of emotional ups and downs, wondering, as the therapist asked me, "Why now? If it's been so long, why is it so upsetting now?" Why did I start my blog when I did? Why did this emotional upheaval start then, early last fall? And I realized: that's when my relationship with this sister went really, really foul because of the church. I'm not sure how much detail I want to get into right now. Short story: her husband became a non-believer after we became non-believers. Guess who everyone blamed?

I've already mentioned one sister who actually engages in real conversation with about my beliefs. This is great, but sometimes emotionally tough. Sometimes we go months without emailing about it. In her last email, she said she found it curious that I never ask her about her beliefs. To paraphrase: "What, you think I'm just a mindless robot who doesn't think about my faith? You think I'm just like every other Mormon? Sometimes I think you non-believers are so close-minded about us."

I haven't written her back yet, because, well, she's right. I do lump TBMs into one big category of blind followers. Because I can see that that's what I was. But I would have really resented someone calling me such names, too. I thought, I contended, I pondered, I didn't just accept everything the leaders said. Or so I thought. But I still accepted the leaders' authority, the Book of Mormon, the priesthood keys, the Atonement as literal. And so does she. So even though she feels like she's different than a lot of TBMs because she has non-believing friends and debates certain aspects of the teachings, she is, ultimately, a TBM. But at least she'll talk to me, and I appreciate that.

The rest never bring it up, and I've never brought it up with them. I suppose they might be willing, but we just continue to tip toe around each other, and talk about other things. There's plenty to talk about; they are my siblings after all.

exiting emotions: guilt

While I moved from believer to non-believer, and in the aftermath of that transition, I felt guilt. Lots of it. I felt guilty that I wasn't giving the church a good chance. That I hadn't been praying as much, and reading the scriptures as much. I felt guilty that I thought of Joseph Smith as a fallen prophet, and then, not a prophet at all.

I felt guilty when I took off my garments and changed into colorful underwear. So guilty, in fact, that I lasted less than 24 hours before putting the garments back on. Then I felt guilty for being so brainwashed as to put them back on. So I took them off again, and felt guilty some more. I felt terribly guilty when, on the third day of wearing colorful underwear, I talked to my mom about my changing beliefs. That got me feeling so guilty I put my garments on again. And then I felt guilty again for letting my grown-up self be pressured into changing my underwear by a phone conversation with my mom, who was thousands of miles away.

I also felt guilty when I

tried coffee

tried alcohol

saw my Mormon friends from the ward

asked to quit my calling

skipped church to go on an AIDS walk

watched rated-R movies

swore

renewed my temple recommend, and stopped believing entirely two weeks later

avoided phone calls from family

talked to family

But I've gotten over most of that. Most of the time I can barely remember the stuff Mormonism told me to feel guilty about. I don't think in terms of "sin" and "righteousness" and "repentance" anymore. Thank goodness. But sometimes, I remember things Mormonism tells me to feel guilty about, and I feel a bit like a double-person. Or sometimes I find myself judging myself according to how Mormonism (and my Mormon relatives) would judge me: a sinning, unworthy, lost apostate.

Then I have to remind myself what I did: I stood up for what I believed, against great odds. I figured out a mass deception, and was brave enough to admit the emperor has no clothes. I veered from the easy path set out for me, the one walked for generations, and am blazing my own trail. I am still a good person, one who makes decisions based on rationality, reason, and experience, rather than authority. I have chosen a better life for myself and my child.

And I am a better person for it.

exiting emotions: anger

When my Mormon world came crashing down around me, I felt angry. I still feel angry sometimes, even to the point of a rage that wants to burst out and break something, burn something, destroy something. I don't often feel that, but it comes from time to time. I've never actually acted on it. I've saved some Mormon-related books so that next time that anger comes about, I'll have something to burn. Sometimes I think it would be cathartic; sometimes I think it would be empty.

I was always really dismissive of "angry apostates," wondering how on earth they could be so angry at something so benign and wonderful. Now I understand. The church took something from me; it hurt me. I have a right to be angry. Dwelling on that anger forever would be unhealthy, but so would ignoring it.

I wrote the following when I was in the thick of aftermath emotions:

I feel angry at the idea that I've had, over the years, many problems with Mormonism--culture, church, doctrine, theology. I know I'm not unique in that; I even talked to my parents about many of these things (place of women, polygamy, blacks and the priesthood, etc), and tried to sort through them, work them out. They are things I see as immoral, not in line with a moral God--so how could they be part of the church? I did some major mental gymnastics to fit it all in--and a lot of putting it on the back burner as "not understandable."

But what if the church isn't true? Then all that mental gymnastics was for nothing--and even worse, all that pain resulting from polygamy, racism, sexism, etc, etc that people since 1830's have known--it was all for a man. Not for God. I can't even comprehend a God that would ask that of us. That is not God.

And I believed it all, from Joseph Smith was commanded by God to marry 33+ women, down to not grumbling about the young women's softball coach because I had sustained her as God's servant. And my family believes it all. And their parents and their grandparents, and ancestors back to 1830. And if it's not true, all of us have been betrayed, and duped. That makes me angry.

lullabies

The other night, my child had a nightmare in the middle of the night, so I stayed by his bed and sang him songs until he fell asleep. But I quickly ran out of songs past Jingle Bells; Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer (his favorites since last Christmas); Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star; and the ABCs. Maybe it was because it was the middle of the night, but I just couldn't think of any others besides Mormon hymns and primary songs. I couldn't pull a single lullaby out of my head. I remembered Brahm's lullaby existed, but I couldn't think of the tune to hum it.

Even though primary songs are the songs I sang to myself when I was kid and wanted comfort, I just couldn't bring myself to sing them to my son that night. But needing some songs, I ended up humming the tunes to I Am a Child of God, Teach Me to Walk in the Light, and Love is Spoken Here. They don't even make good lullabies.

Why is it I have no lullabies in my repertoire? Because my parents rarely (never?) sang to me? Because if they did--or more likely, my older siblings did--they sang primary songs? I am conditioned so that primary songs soothe me, but now they also frustrate me. The lyrics, the indoctrination about reverence, relying on God, obedience, repentance. I don't want to give that to my son.

Any recommendations on nice bedtime songs for little kids?

instrinsic/extrinsic religious motivation

The depression and Mormon women study I mentioned previously used a specific scale, a set of questions, each of which is scored, then added up to reach a final number indicating strength of intrinsic versus extrinsic religiosity. This is the Intrinsic Religious Motivation scale, based on an earlier study.*

Intrinsic religiosity refers to internal motivation for being religious, such as belief in God, inner peace and happiness, connection with the divine, etc.

Extrinsic religiosity refers to external motivation for being religious, such as meeting people, community conformity, family pressure, heritage, etc.

A person can, of course, be religious both intrinsically and extrinsically. Hence the scale, which allows someone to fall anywhere on a range.

The questions asked in the women and depression study were as follows.**

-My faith involves all my life.
strongly agree; agree; disagree; strongly disagree

-One should seek God's guidance when making every important decision.
strongly agree; agree; disagree; strongly disagree

-In my life I experience the presence of the Divine.
strongly agree; agree; disagree; strongly disagree

-My faith sometimes restricts my actions.
strongly agree; agree; disagree; strongly disagree

-Nothing is as important to me as serving God as best I know how.
strongly agree; agree; disagree; strongly disagree

-I try hard to carry my religion over into all my other dealings.
strongly agree; agree; disagree; strongly disagree

-My religious beliefs are what really lie behind my whole approach to life.
strongly agree; agree; disagree; strongly disagree

-It doesn't matter so much what I believe as long as I lead a moral life.
strongly disagree; disagree; agree; strongly agree

-Although I am a religious person, I refuse to let religious considerations influence my everyday affairs.
strongly disagree; disagree; agree; strongly agree

-Although I believe in my religion, I feel there are many more important things in life.
strongly disagree; disagree; agree; strongly agree

Add it up as follows:
For items 1-7: strongly agree (1); agree (2); disagree (3); strongly disagree (4).
For items 8-10, it reverses: strongly disagree (1); disagree (2); agree (3); strongly agree (4).

The higher the score, the higher the extrinsic religiosity. Remember, in the Mormon/depression study, those with higher extrinsic religiosity had slightly more depression.

My question about this is how well this works for Mormons. The types of Mormons I see as having more extrinsic religiosity would be NOMs, liberal Mormons, fringe Mormons, cultural Mormons, social Mormons, etc. Would this scale tease out these types of people from the rest of Mormons? And would it differentiate them from each other? And how particular is it to Mormons?

For example, Mormons do not generally speak in terms of the "the Divine." Questions that use "Heavenly Father" our "the Lord" might be more appropriate. Also, this question, "My faith sometimes restricts my actions" might be misinterpreted by Mormons in the same way that "I can't...I'm Mormon" T-shirts were. That is, some Mormons may let religion restrict their actions, but don't see it as restriction. They might, therefore, misinterpret this question negatively. On the other hand, this question is ambiguous all around. I can see some with intrinsic religiosity saying, "strongly agree," and feel happy about it, but also someone with extrinsic religiosity saying, "strongly agree," but feelings very unhappy about it. For example, a faithful non-believer might want to drink alcohol, but doesn't in order to keep up appearances, and keep the faithful spouse happy.

Before I came across this study, I hashed together some questions of my own, which would attempt to find NOMs (those who attend/practice, usually but not always, for extrinsic reasons, but don't believe, ). The questions are rather crude, but it was interesting to try to figure out how to measure such things in a simple survey.

1. Of the following, which best reflects how often you attend LDS church services, including other church activities (Enrichment, Primary, YW/YM, meetings, etc.)?

1) a few times a year

2) once a month

3) two to three times a month

4) every week, or nearly every week

5) more than once a week

2. Of the following, which best reflects the reason you attend LDS church services?

1) I attend to keep my marriage together.

2) I attend to please my spouse or parents.

3) I attend for social reasons, or because it is community and/or heritage.

4) I attend because I believe it will bring the greatest happiness in this life and the next.

5) I attend because I know it will bring the greatest happiness in this life and the next.

3. Of the following, which best reflects your current testimony of the LDS church and teachings?

1) I believe the church is not true and not led by God.

2) I have serious questions or doubts, but ultimately I believe it’s true and led by God.

3) I believe the church is true and led by God, even though I may have some questions about certain issues.

4) I believe the church is true and led by God.

5) I know the church is true and led by God.

4. Of the following, which best reflects how well you think your beliefs would be approved of by the rest of your ward or the church at large?

1) Not at all. If I expressed my true thoughts about the church during church, most people would disapprove of what I say and I could be disciplined and/or ostracized.

2) Very little. If I expressed my true thoughts about the church during church, most people would disapprove of what I say and counter my statements with mainstream teachings or testimony-bearing.

3) Somewhat. If I expressed my true thoughts about the church during church, some people would verbally approve and some would verbally disapprove of what I say.

4) Quite a lot. If I expressed my true thoughts about the church during church, almost everybody would verbally approve of what I say.

I included the last question to get at people who may be NOM, but are more comfortable in that role, possibly because their ward is more liberal in general anyway. For example, someone who doesn't believe at all could still answer "quite a lot" on the last question.

It would be interesting to do a study on Mormons and depression, really teasing out differences of religiosity that simply asking "What is your religious affiliation?" would not allow.

*Hoge, D. A Validated Intrinsic Religious Motivation Scale. Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion, Vol. 11, No. 4. (Dec., 1972), pp. 369-376.
**As far as I could tell. The Spendlove study simply referenced the Hoge study, but the latter study has 30 questions, and recommends use of 10 of them. It is unclear whether the Mormon/depression study used all 30 or just the 10.

mormon women and depression

I had already written this post, but a couple of posts by a fellow exmo, Within the Bubble, prompted me to post this now (see his story and more general ideas about mental illness among Mormons).

For a while now, I've been interested in this idea thrown around among Mormons that Mormon women or Utah women have a higher rate of anti-depressant use than the rest of the country. It is bandied about by believers to criticize the super-mom syndrome that, they would say, Mormon culture encourages, but that the True Gospel discourages. It is mentioned by non-believers to support how Mormonism messes women up. I've heard this many times, but I have never heard it backed up by references. It seems to have taken on the status of mythology. Does anyone have any references?

I've been wanting to find out more if any actual research has been done on this. So recently, I poked around at some peer-reviewed literature on Mormons. I found one 1984 study* done on Mormon women and depression (not saying there aren't more, but this is the one I found in my non-thorough looking).

In it, 143 Mormon women and 36 non-Mormon women in Salt Lake were interviewed by phone, and were asked about religiosity and depression, along with some demographic questions (income, number and ages of children, etc). To assess depression, the interviewers used the Beck depression inventory, which is still used today and considered accurate. To assess religiosity, interviewers asked about frequency of church attendance, temple attendance, and prayer, and also "religious motivation."

This study found that there was no difference in the percent of each group of women with regards to current depression, as assessed by the Beck inventory, over the phone. Both groups had about 23% depressed women. Among the LDS women, those who were less educated, felt less caring from a spouse, rated their health poor or fair, and had lower incomes were statistically more likely to be depressed. No surprises there. I would think these hold true for any female, American population.

There were also some intriguing differences among LDS women on some other factors, but none of them were statistically significant (that is, the differences might be only random, not real, because of the sample--but they might be worth studying more). For example, among LDS women, these women were more likely to be depressed:

-infrequent church attenders
-frequent temple attenders
-infrequent pray-ers
-those with non-Mormon husbands
-those with extrinsic religious motivation

Now, it would be easy for a believer to look at this and say, "See, we need to go to church and pray more, just like the leaders say!" But I would posit that depression related to infrequent prayer and attendance are not causal, but only correlated. In fact, this study simply cannot tell us which came first--the depression or the infrequent attendance/prayer. It could be that people who are depressed go to church and pray less often because of depression (likely). Or it could be that people who go to church and pray less often get depression because of not praying and going to church (not likely). Most likely of all, there is a very complicated relationship, involving many other factors that aren't taken into account here. For example, a third factor could be causing them both, i.e., religious doubt and disaffection could lead someone to skip church and experience depression.

Intuitively, one would think that frequency of church attendance, temple attendance, and prayer would all go together--but they don't in this study. This anomaly could be due to the methodological inadequacies of this study, though I am tempted to wonder if frequent temple attenders are depressed and desperately seeking some respite through temple visits. It could be the other way around--that temple attendance is causing depression--but, as much as I would like to believe that, I doubt it.

It does make sense that women with non-Mormon husbands would experience a greater degree of stress, and perhaps depression, given the emphasis placed on the importance of temple marriage, etc. (See my previous post about Mormon marriage and divorce.)

But it's the last one, the extrinsic religious motivation, that intrigues me the most. Simply put, those who attend church because of reasons outside themselves--social life, conformity, family pressure, etc.--had more depression (but not significantly so, remember) than those who attended for their own, internal beliefs --faith in God, it brings inner peace, etc. I wonder if "extrinsic religious motivation" parallels some of the Bloggernacle/DAMU terms we use--New Order Mormon, faithful non-believer, liberal Mormon, etc. If so, are NOMs more likely to be depressed? And why? Is it because of the stress and identity issues of being in the non-believer's closet, as they generally are? Is it related to cognitive dissonance? Is it related to spousal troubles, since many NOMs aren't just ex-mos because of a faithful spouse? Or is the faithful who are more depressed, driving themselves batty trying to live the gospel just right?

So I decided to check out the questions used by this study to measure this aspect of religiosity, wondering if the questions get at situations unique to Mormonism. (In another post.)

*Spendlove, et al. Risk Factors and the Prevalence of Depression in Mormon Women. Social Science & Medicine, Vol 18, No 6, pp.491-495, 1984. If you want a pdf, email me at fromtheashesblog@gmail.com