piercings
Of all the girls I knew growing up, all their parents had different rules for when the girls would be old enough to get their ears pierced. I knew some parents that automatically had their infant girls' ears done; others let the girl decide at 8 or 12. My best friends in elementary school got their ears pierced when we were in 3rd or 4th grade. I guess that would have made us 8 or 9. I felt the peer pressure to get mine done too. If they were doing it, it must be the thing to do.
That was how simply my train of thought was, at eight years old.
When I asked my mom if I could, she said the family rule was to wait until you are at least 16 years old. By then, she figured, we'd be old enough to be past that peer pressure and really know if we wanted holes in our ears or not. Didn't want us to do something so permanent that we'd regret later.
Some readers may be wondering at this point what this has to do with Mormonism. Some of you may have picked out the irony already.
How old was I when I was "ready" to do something as benign as pierce my ears? Sixteen.
How old was I when I was "ready" to do something as profound as choose my religion? Eight.
WTF?
"I just wanted you to be old enough to decide for yourselves," she said recently regarding earrings. I wanted to ask her why she didn't leave church membership up to ourselves too, but I didn't. While my non-belief is a rejection of how she raised me, I prefer, at least, to not throw it in her face.
Many of the girls who got their ears done young got a second pair in junior high or high school. It was simply the style; girls thought it looked good, and boys that it was cute. Until, of course, when I was in college, Hinckley came down with his "no tattoos, no body piercings, and no second pair of earrings for girls" speech. Girls took out their second pair, leaving empty holes. It immediately became an integral part of the BYU Honor Code. The tattoos and body piercings I could understand (now I think it's over the top), but what was wrong with the double piercings? Even then I thought, "His proscriptions are based arbitrarily on mainstream American style; if the church was centered in Inida, he'd be saying everything but nose rings are bad."
By the time I was 16, my friends (different ones than the elementary school ones) who did have their ears pierced hardly even wore earrings anymore. By then, the inertia was toward the status quo of no piercings. I never did get my ears pierced.
Until the other day. So, I guess, in the end, I was ready to (un)choose my religion before I was ready to pierce my ears.
Go figure.
(What I really want is a nose piercing. To mark my status as non-Molly Mormon. But I thought it was weird to have a nose stud without earrings too. So the ears are the first step. If I can get the guts up to do the nose and incur that wrath of my TBM family.)
9 comments:
Ah, sweet irony. This is something I find very unfortunate about Mormonism. People act against their own better inclinations because they feel it's their duty to do whatever the church says. I'd bet plenty of Mormon parents, if left to their own devices, would prefer to let their kids to wait until they were 16 (or 12, or whatever) to be baptized so that it could be of their own free will. I doubt many of them really believe age 8 is some magical turning point in a child's development, but they abdicate their common sense to the church. I've known Mormons who personally didn't have a racist or sexist bone in their body, but felt compelled to accept the church's implicit views on race and sex on faith. It's a real shame when religion actually makes a person worse than they would have been naturally.
Yes, abner. The same goes for people's feelings on homosexuality and gay marriage. I know people who can say, "I accept the scientific literature, I agree that denying homosexuals marriage is hurtful, BUT I know what the prophet said."
To me, that's shocking. And yet, I used to manage such thinking.
Hey, congrats on the pierced ears. Hope they heal up nicely for you. You made me laugh about the nose piercing. Too awesome.
I like a subtle nose piercing (as long as the nosering is big enough so as not to look like a blackhead and small enough to not be an overall facial distractor) - I can think of several professional women I work with who carry off a nose piercing very well. So good luck!
Also, I got my ears pierced when I was 12-ish, then got second piercings (and a third in my left ear - I was an '80s girl) later on. Now I only ever use the first hole on either side - but it was fun at the time. Three small gold loops on my left ear, two small gold loops on my right ear - I looked hot. Along with my Forenza pegged pants and deep-vee-neck sweater with white ribbed wife-beater tank top underneath.
Good times.
Ah, the 80s. That's exactly the kind of nose stud I'm thinking of, wry, small but not so small.
I had five piercings in my ears when I attended the Y. I think the double piercing rule came into effect just after I graduated. (Just when you think BYU can't be any more infantilizing, they surprise you!)
I took my nose ring out out a couple of weeks ago when I saw my engagement pictures and realized I didn't want it in my wedding pictures. :)Still, I loved having it for two years -- I think they're fun an cute, and you should totally get one if you want to!
P.S. Mine was a very small diamond stud. I work for a traditionally conservative company and no one ever said a word to me about it.
rolypoly- Hi! Welcome! Will you send me one of your announcements? Email me at fromtheashesblog at gmail dot com and I'll get you an address.
There are two women who work in the same office as me that have small diamond studs; others have tattoos. But then, I work in a very liberal non-profit.
As a practicing Mormon, the church's rigid stance on defining outward appearances by archaic and thoroughly Westernized standards causes me no end of soul searching and frustration. I buck the trend by being an active member with 3 holes in my ears and a nose stud. At the end of the day though, I don't have the piercings to make a statement but because I just like myself better with a nose stud! What others do with that or how they choose to define me is their definition, not mine.
My thoughts to add to the discussion is that from something as "mundane" as getting ears pierced to something as "profound" as choosing a religion, each choice we make defines who we are and all of them should be taken seriously and made with care.
Good luck with the nose piercing!
Viveveda- Hi, and welcome.
You said, "At the end of the day though, I don't have the piercings to make a statement but because I just like myself better with a nose stud!"
This is the reason I want to have to get a nose stud. But I think part of me can't help wanting to make that "stick it to the man" statement, too. I want to _look_ not Mormon. When I visit Utah, I want to be more easily identifiable as out or on the edge than as a Molly. That's how I would interpret me.
Of course, my family wouldn't. But I can't control their thoughts.
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